Never Be || Lashton (BoyxBoy)

1 - I Need Your Love to Light Up This House

It was little at first, a small glistening ray of positivity in an otherwise darkened pit of negativity. It was a slight swell in his heart that left flutters in his stomach and it was everything he needed to breathe again. It was a gasp of breath after he thought he would drown. Every time it felt like too much his soulmate sent him the exact same emotion. It was as though they had felt his pain and wanted him to know he was loved.

When Ashton found out he was blind it felt as though someone had switched the lights off at 3am. There is nothing in this world more frightening than waking up and opening your eyes only to find nothing but complete and utter darkness. Finding out that that darkness is all you will ever know for the rest of your life is worse. Ashton didn't know that that was his greatest fear until it happened.

It's been the hardest nine years he could've ever imagined. Ashton honestly doesn't believe he would still be alive today if it weren't for the constant swell of positivity from his soulmate. He's had to learn so many things in his life all over again, almost like he was starting his life from the beginning and so many times he wondered whether it would all be worth it or not.

What makes everything worse though is Ashton knows he will never meet his soulmate. Eye contact is essential in meeting your soulmate. It's the connecting of two souls destined to be together and the understanding of that connection lies in the first moment you lock eyes. He'd read every possible description and heard every tale as a child and not once had he heard of one where eye contact wasn't used in fully connecting to their soulmate.

As Ashton grew older it was difficult in High School. No one was particularly horrible to him but if someone perhaps walked passed him and bumped shoulders a little too harshly they didn't hold back in their laughter when he fell and struggled to get up.

Ashton was always a little sensitive but after the accident, people's actions and laughter, which others would possibly brush off after a few hours, had Ashton lying awake at night wishing it all away. He never had any friends, his only friend having left a few months before the accident when his parents got a new job. He'd never gotten in contact since and he didn't want to. He couldn't see the pity or disgust in people's eyes but he knew it was there and he didn't need that. He felt those emotions himself all too often.

His little sister, Lauren, often helped him at finding cases of those who are blind and how they found and connected to their soulmate. He needs to know if somehow it's possible but he hasn't had that much luck. His sister found cases but he doesn't know if they met before or after one of their partners became blind. He'd try contacting them but there's no contact information available and he doesn't want to burden his family more than he already does.

They've spent so much time and money on him, dealing with his bursts of anger and depression that he can't possibly ask them for more help. He has to figure this one out on his own but for now he's prepared to assume he'll always be alone because even if they do meet, they'll never be able to fully connect.

***

Ashton doesn't think he's ever been as nervous as he is now. He hates change, hates starting new things because he's not used to them and being blind means it takes him far longer than most to adjust. Starting University, especially in Sydney which is further away from home than he'd like, makes everything so much worse. His palms feel clammy and sweaty, cold as he rubs them repeatedly against the rough fabric of his jeans. His chest aches with the fear of an entire campus of unfamiliarity and new people. His stomach is lurching, twisting in odd directions and making him feel sick.

The university appointed him someone to help him get around and he's worried that that person will find him a burden. He hopes the university picked someone who's learning the same course because at least they'll be able to attend lectures together and he won't feel like he's holding them back. He doesn't even want to think about his roommate because he knows his nerves will only spike and he's stressed enough as it is.