Infiltration

I'm Trying To Fix It

Staying... staying could've solved a lot of things, but I'm almost certain that it wasn't the solution. I know it wasn't the solution. I can't go back in time and fix everything. I still can't fix everything. No matter how hard I try it seems like nothing I do will ever change anything. I am the major problem actually. I am part of the reason behind everything. I'm stuck in the middle of a freaking war and I can't do anything about it. I can't fix any of it. I can't stop any of it. I can't help anyone. It seems like the more I try to help the more everything gets screwed up. I seem to be making everything worse.

Going back to them now won't change anything. Going back to them will make nothing better. Going back to them now in their time of chaos wont make anything better. It might, in fact, make everything worse. I am making everything worse.

I can't do this. I can't make everything right. I can't go back in time and make everything right. I am the cause of everything bad that is going on right now. I am a key part of their plan. I can stop everything. I can make everything right again. I just don't know how. I do something thinking it's the right thing and then 5 times more bad stuff happens. I go after my dad to try to find him. I end up working for the circle. I leave the circle. My memory gets wiped clean. I try to regain my memories, everything there falls apart. I try to find people on the list. The circle kills them off one by one. I try to save Reed from his dad. Reed ends up getting arrested and placed in a maximum security prison. Reed's dad tries to contact me. Reed's dad get's shot in the head. We rescue Reed. I have to prostitute myself out and an innocent guy gets hurt. We try to save the king. The King is taken. Finally we think we're going to get all the answers from Mr. Greyson, but we just ended up with a million more questions. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to fix any of this. My friends are all slowly falling apart because of this. I'm slowly falling apart because of this. My whole entire world is slowly falling apart. All I'm trying to do... all I've been trying to do for months is to pick up the pieces. I'm trying to prevent the inevitable. My world, my friends, I am going to fall apart.

"Ela..." I heard a soft voice say snapping me out of my thoughts. I turned away from the window. I saw Alex standing there. "You've been sitting there for hours. It's almost 5 p.m. you need to eat something." He said concerned.

"You're already sounding like my husband." I said with a small smile.

"I gotta get in my practice, you know? Gotta make sure I'm perfect before it actually happens." He said with a light laugh. He walked over to me and pulled me into him. "Whatcha thinking about so hard my love?" He asked rubbing my shoulder.

"Things. Everything." I said slowly.

"Everything like what?" He asked.

"Life. How everything is falling apart and I can't do anything about it. I'm just so aggravated with myself that I can't stop any of this. There is nothing I can do. I'm part of the problem. How can I solve the problem if I'm the problem?" I said angrily.

"You are not the problem. You are doing everything that you can. Some of the problems that you are trying so hard to fix are unfixable. Focus on the things you can stop. And you need to let others help you. I know you like doing things on your own. I know you don't like bringing people into your problems, but this... this is all of our problems. This involves every last one of us. We can help you and you need us. Don't take all of this onto yourself baby. Let us help you." He said forcing me to look at him.

"I know... I know. I have to go check up on things. I'll talk to you later." I said before kissing his cheek and getting up.

"Get something to eat. Don't make me have to force you." He said sternly.

"Yes, I will I promise." I said before rushing off. I need to go find Reed. I need to tell him about his dad. I walked to the room he was supposed to be staying in. It's the only single room. I knocked on the door and he answered.