Redemption (boyxboy) (18+)

Chapter Twenty-one

Reid's stomach is still heaving sporadically when Andy fishes the first aid kit out of the trunk and takes over, easing Nate out of Reid's grip and the car's messy backseat. He pulls a flask from his jacket pocket, thrusts it into Nate's good hand.

"C'mon, Nathaniel. Let's get you stitched up."

And Reid's never been more grateful for the old man, for someone to shoulder his responsibility for just a moment. He's shaking so hard that he doesn't think he could handle stitching Nate up himself, staring at the bullet wound so closely and causing Nate more pain as he sewed it closed.

He's spent enough time feeling the person he loves hurt and bleeding out in his hands.

So Ben walks Reid a fair distance from the car, from Nate's stoic forbearance of Andy's field medicine and the stinking mess of Reid's vomit. And they don't talk, not at all. They just sit side by side on a broken wooden pallet, Ben's broad shoulders pushing into Reid's until he can feel his shuddering breath begin to even out, the image of Cara's death and Nate's blood easing back just enough to allow other thoughts to float through the front of his mind.

It's not until Andy is taping gauze over Nate's stitches that Ben finally speaks.

"You did it, Reid. You got him out of there alive when no one really thought it was possible. And it'll be easy now - just keep doing whatever you were doing before. You guys will make it to trial."

Reid exhales slowly, shaking his head. "There's still six months to go."

"Doesn't matter. You'll get his through those, too. You can do this, Reid."

Reid looks into Ben's steady gaze, his chin trembling when he says, "Just a few inches, Benny. Just a few inches to the left and he'd be-" Reid's voice catches over the word, makes it come out rougher than the rest, "-dead." He licks his lips and blinks, looks away out over the river. "And it would have been my fault."

Ben reaches over to squeeze Reid's shoulder. "Look at him."

But Reid can't, he's too busy trying to pull himself together. So he shakes his head, wipes at his eyes.

"No, Ben. I just...I fell apart back there. I should have made him get down in the floorboard, I should have been returning fire, I should've... I'm a professional. I should be better than this, but I just failed." Reid shakes his head again. "How is he ever going to trust me to take care of him after this?"

Ben sighs, gives Reid another long second before prodding again.

"Look. Nate is alive; he's going to be fine. Today was their best shot to get him before trial, and they missed. It wasn't perfect, but we won, Reid. You did your job. And we won."

Reid sniffs, feeling the guilt suffocating him like an elephant standing on his chest. But Ben just keeps looking at him, keeps telling him that the worst is over and they've survived. And somewhere, through the comforting press of Ben's shoulder and the reassurance of his words, Reid finds the strength to finally turn around and look at Nate standing in the distance.

He's nodding at something Andy is saying while carefully unrolling his shredded sleeve back into place. It's stiff and stained with his drying blood, and he's steadily sucking Andy's flask dry, but none of that contradicts Ben. He's right - Nate is still breathing, still mostly intact.

And, as soon as Reid can get his shit together, they can still do this.

There's just one thing he has to take care of first.

*******

Reid sighs and stands, shrugging out of his ruined jacket as he makes his way to the river's edge. Ben follows behind him, standing silently at Reid's side.