Redemption (boyxboy) (18+)

Chapter Fourteen

Somewhere in those early days, on a stretch of highway between Montana and Idaho, Nate decides that he wants Reid.

He's not the best at the subtleties of interpersonal communication, but he isn't stupid. He knows that something is going on between them, that some detail of their interactions goes beyond normal behavior. And if it were a year ago, a time when Nathaniel was still a man with some sense of self and power and independence, he might have guessed that Reid found him attractive.

It happened at times. Nate sometimes did something about it; ignored it more often than not. Mostly he just didn't think about it. His life was too violent, too secretive to really entertain the idea of sharing it with someone.

But now he's just a ward of the state, one that Reid is stuck with. So it's not Nate's place to ask when their hands brush against one another as they walk, or when he looks over to see that Reid is staring just a little too intently.

Besides, Nate is sure that there's nothing really there. He constantly reminds himself that Reid is just doing his job. That any time he watches Nathaniel closely, it's just to make sure that he is protected, that the dirty details he knows make it to the deposition and then to the trial.

But for Nate... oh, for Nate it's something more. Nathaniel wants Reid in a way that has nothing to do with the convenience of being stuck together and far beyond physical attraction. Nate wants him just for himself, just to finally have something that is beautiful and wonderful and good. Something that is his out of love, not fear.

But, ironically, he's too afraid to tell him.

So he forces himself to be content with the times where he wakes before Reid and just stares in the pale early light, taking in the way he sleeps on his stomach with one hand hidden under his pillow (and, most likely, on the gun he keeps there. Nate knows because he used to do the same thing.) And how Reid tosses the covers off one leg when he gets hot at night so Nate can see his muscular, tanned leg and half of the black boxer briefs he sleeps in. How his long lashes flutter against his lightly freckled cheeks when he dreams. How young he suddenly looks, how relaxed, once the lines on his face are erased with the peace of sleep.

And Nate begins to dread his trial date for something beyond having to face his family or listing his past sins for all the world to hear. It's now the day Reid will leave him and - if Nate survives that far - he will be totally, permanently alone.

*******

After Yellowstone they drive north to Glacier National Park.

Nate listens intently to a park ranger describing the power and formation of the massive ice floes; Reid stares into the glacier's shockingly blue depths and tries to stop himself from coming up with terrible poetry comparing the color to Nate's eyes.

Roses are red,
This glacier is blue,
Just like your eyes, Nate;
I'm so into you.

...Jesus, Reid, you're such a sappy, stupid, son of a bitch.

*******

They head south to the Grand Tetons, where Nathaniel decides to take up trail running.

"This sucks, Nate." Reid stops on the side of the trail, bent over and gasping. "I said the plan was to take an extended vacation, not start training for a fucking triathlon or some shit."

Nate jogs in place fifty feet ahead of him, barely breathing hard. "The exercise is good for you. Your problem is all those cheeseburgers, Reid. They're bad for your health."

Reid straightens up and glares. "Are you calling me fat?"

"You're the one who can't run up this mountain."