Scripturient

My Prayer

Since the first break up, I've been praying for years, longing for a love like mine; hoping to find it in everyone who walked into my life, but they let me down one after the other, until someone like you came into my life.

I longed to spend a day with you, or even just a few hours to talk, hang out, enjoy your company therefore I prayed; and you asked me out on a date, Sunday afternoon.

I longed to watch a certain movie, and see how your mind think about certain things, from the littlest details to the greatest points therefore I prayed; and you accompanied me to the big screen, cinema 2.

You've told me that you'll be gone far across the seas and other greater countries. I longed to be with you even just for the last minute therefore I prayed; and you told me you wanted to be with me, therefore I told you I also wanted to if only we were given the chance. You told me that you'll do everything whatever it takes and the next morning, the day of your flight, you came. We were given an hour. It felt like it's a countdown, we're fighting against the hands of time and we can't do anything about it. Being helpless, was probably one of the most painful things in life.

The hour of your flight came. I longed to talk to you up to the last available second therefore I prayed; and so you called. You told me somehow you don't want to go. You asked why it has to be this way, why didn't we fell in love sooner. Hearing the same words as my thoughts, I cried and cried. Back then I used to say that it won't matter. Who would've thought that I'll cry my eyes out and break down without even being broken? We talked and talked until that time when you walked into the plane. If only I can beg you not to go, but then again we can't do anything about it.

Now I'm left watching everything unfolds as time passes, so unsure if I really can make it for 2 years or more, so unsure of what will happen next, so unsure of what will change in a year, a month, a week, a day or in an hour. I'm left hoping that it will all be worth it; and so I'll keep on praying.

I long to see you again, walking straight towards me, smiling with an open arms and you'll embrace me for the second time; therefore I pray.

I long to enjoy the silence beside you, in your arms, just listening to every beat of our hearts, feeling each other's warmth; therefore I pray.

I long to look at your face without saying any word, just smiling at each other, wondering how I came to be so blessed to have you mine; therefore I pray.

I long to walk with you, side by side, hand in hand, and travel across the distance that once separated us; therefore I pray.

I long for that day when I'll walk along the aisle, looking at you standing in front of God, waiting for me, with tears in your eyes because a smile can't somehow be enough to express your happiness for we finally made it through; therefore I pray.

I long for that night for you to make me completely yours and to give you everything I can offer, savoring each other's love, security, assurance, sincerity and our promise of infinity; therefore I pray.

I long for that little voice to call me mommy and looking at our child, all we could see is our genuine love in his wholeness; therefore I pray.

I long to spend the rest of my life with you, being beside you for better and for worst, filling each other's gaps from our missing pieces with our love, making the most out of every chances and every seconds that were once spared from us; therefore I pray.

It's not easy and it's killing me feeling like I'm breaking my own self for waiting, hoping and longing for something that may never happen; but so I pray.

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I always pray, thanking God for always hearing me. Thanking Him for making me feel like this. Thanking Him for making me strong enough to once again believe in love despite after being hopeless-because of all the promises of love that was never real to begin with. This time I'm not scared, I've been broken but I'm still standing. Whether this will work or not, I'm happy and I won't regret taking this risk. I know somehow this happiness is worth a heartache.

Our love possesses a pair of wings, both grows strong & both grows great. In a young age, I wonder, will something like this genuinely last? But so, I'll always pray.

-Ammaryllis

✒JBN