Emilia was lying down, awake but with no energy to get up. I noticed the melancholy grip she held on her pendant. As I expected, Puck's magic crystal was broken.
"So it already happened."
I wouldn't miss him, not one bit. I never understood the character and couldn't empathize with him.
"Leandro?" Emilia called to me in a weak voice when she noticed my presence.
"Yes, it's me." I quickly took a seat next to the bed.
She gave a sad smile. There was a glimmer of nostalgia in her eyes. Recalling her memories must have deeply moved her. I could easily understand, because I was going through something similar.
"You look tired." She commented.
"Ah, a lot happened today."
I tried to hide it. I didn't feel like going into detail about everything, especially if I had to omit details so Emilia wouldn't find out about Roswaal. If she found out what was happening behind the scenes, she'd lose what little emotional stability she had at that moment.
"Is everything alright? I didn't hear anything."
"I had a 'discussion' with Garfiel because I want his permission to take the villagers out and bring them back to Arlam. The rest of the day was spent working and organizing things."
"Ah, I see. It must have been complicated."
"Not so much, but it was exhausting."
I rubbed my eyes to concentrate. I could already feel the characteristic chill of drowsiness. For a moment, I stared into space, lost in my thoughts.
"It's confusing, isn't it?" I said suddenly.
"What's confusing?"
"Getting your memories back."
"Do you know about that...? How?"
"I spoke with Puck earlier today. He explained everything to me."
Mentioning her spiritual father was a bad idea. Emilia's beautiful face darkened.
"He's gone, this time for real..."
I didn't comment on it. My own mood was pretty bad too, so I couldn't think of anything upbeat to say. Besides, I was having trouble staying awake.
Emilia must have noticed my unusual attitude, because she stared at me curiously.
"Are you OK?"
"Um... Yes, I got a little distracted by my thoughts." I made a face as if to say 'it doesn't matter'.
"And what are you thinking about?"
I couldn't tell her I was thinking about suicide. Even though I no longer felt the urge to do it, my mind kept nagging me for not breaking this cycle.
As if losing the revolver (one of my trump cards) wasn't bad enough, there was also Rem's declining mental health. All of this was my fault, by the way.
I wanted to do things my way. I was arrogant to believe that everything would turn out well for me.
Logic told me that starting a new loop was the best course of action. Honor told me I was a coward for moving forward after hurting Rem. I knew I wouldn't become someone like Roswaal by killing myself once or twice to correct my mistakes.
However, was it really necessary? No one had died in this loop. It was still possible to achieve a good outcome.
Excuses. Once again, the only voices I heard were those of fear, selfishness, and self-preservation.
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A Random in Re:Zero
FanfictionWhat would happen if someone else took Subaru's place in the story? What would his path, his decisions, and his relationship with the characters be like? Would he have more power or intelligence than Subaru? Would he choose the same route, take an a...
