A Random in Re:Zero

Loop 6 - Part 39

Ram stayed back, at a distance that was adequate to give us privacy, but also to intervene immediately if things went wrong.

I stood in front of the room and knocked timidly.

"Rem, it's me."

There was no response on the first attempt, but I was prepared for that.

"If you don't want to talk, you don't have to say anything."

I unconsciously unfocused my eyes, pouring all my concentration into improvising a good apology.

"I said some horrible things to you. I can't imagine what you're feeling right now, and I don't deserve your forgiveness for what I did. I wish I could turn back time, but I'm sure I'd make a similar mistake again, because I'm that stupid."

If she was there, she gave me no sign to confirm it. But I continued, convinced that she could hear me.

"The point is, none of this is your fault. Don't let what a piece of trash like me might say affect you, especially at a time when I wasn't thinking clearly."

To my surprise, the door opened a few seconds later and Rem peeked out. Her appearance made me want to hug a cactus. Prolonged crying had reddened her whites, her eyes looked like puffy bags, and there were unclean tear stains on her cheeks.

She looked at me with a sad smile.

"Please don't say those things about yourself. I'm the one who should apologize."

Her response caught me completely off guard, and I couldn't get a word out. She sighed heavily and clenched her trembling hands, gathering the strength to speak without breaking down.

"I know. I'm difficult to deal with." She nodded to herself. "All this time I was blinded by my selfishness, always thinking only of myself. I even got mad at you for keeping me out of it, but now I understand everything."

I opened my mouth to say something, but my mind was blank. Rem's reaction had left me perplexed.

"You really care about me. In fact, I think you like me almost as much as I like you." There was a hint of happiness in those words, but the underlying sadness was much greater. "That's why you always try to protect me."

"Yes... That's true." I was so uncomfortable and nervous that I barely reacted to Rem's confession. "But I did something unforgivable to you."

"No, that's not true." Rem shook her head, her smile fading completely. "You just told the truth."

"... Huh?"

"Leandro, you're an incredible person. Compared to you, I'm worthless. But you'd never tell me that, because you're too kind. Now I understand that I'd only be in your way by wanting to help you. In reality, you don't need me at all."

"Rem, that's not true."

"It is!" She screamed hysterically. "I know it is!"

Her anguish hit me like a slap in the face. At that moment, I knew I'd messed up a lot more than I'd initially assumed. Rem looked like she was about to cry again.

"And I was never angry with you... How could I blame you for my flaws?" She rubbed her face with her forearm. "Nor can I blame you for preferring Lady Emilia."

"That's not-"

"You don't have to lie to comfort me anymore. I don't want to be a burden to you anymore."

Finally, I couldn't resist the frustration I was building up and I snapped.

"You were never a burden, Rem! And you're no less than anyone! Where do you get these ideas from?!" After that initial outburst, I took a breath to calm myself. "Look, I know you're severely depressed because of everything you've been through, but you have to stop doing this. You can't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in your life, much less for the actions of others."