A Random in Re:Zero

Loop 6 - Part 39

"Damn..."

"Don't go! Don't leave me!" Her tears soaked my clothes as she rubbed her face against my chest. "I beg you, stay with me..."

This was bad. My suicide had failed, and I only managed to screw things up further. Ram glared at me.

"I told you not to screw up, and look what you did." She said, holding back her anger.

***

After that, I lost all courage. Without a gun, my chances of dying had become uncertain. Besides, Rem wouldn't let go of me until I promised to give up the idea of suicide.

Ram stayed with her to look after her. She was worried about her mental state, and I'm not going to lie: I was too. Apparently, the scene with the gun had a pretty powerful effect on her.

I would have liked to stay by her side to see how much this event upset her, but Ram's murderous intent was quite persuasive and I had better leave.

"Shit, shit, shit and a thousand times shit."

Not only did I lose the revolver, but I also made things worse with Rem and Ram. The first could be solved by going with Nadir, but the second...

I was devastated. I knew I couldn't dwell on my failures, but my personality was too prone to frustration.

As I walked down the hall, Roswaal's voice squeaked through my ears.

"Oh, Leandro. Are you too busy to visit your convalescing boss?"

I stopped dead in my tracks.

"I don't have the time or the desire for this, but I can't afford to act suspicious."

Reluctantly, I went into the bedroom. Roswaal was still the same: lying on the bed, covered in bandages, clutching the Book of Wisdom to his chest.

"Weeeeell?" He was smiling, seemingly happy to see me. "Don't you want to get comfortable and taaaalk about it? As your Master, I have some insight into how Rem thinks, perhaps I can give you some uuuuseful advice."

"Are you aware of what happened?" I asked, crossing my arms.

"Ram told me about your fight with Garfiel (and what happened afterward). It was unfortunate that you were forced to resort to violence, but this is Garfiel we're talking about, so it's no surprise. Perhaps you coooould have prepared yourself better." He suggested caustically.

"I hate to agree with you, but it's true. I underestimated the brat and didn't consider the girls' possible intervention. But anyway, what's done is done."

As I had agreed with Ram, she would tell Roswaal that my meeting with Garfiel was to negotiate the release of the villagers, since for obvious reasons, the Sanctuary did not have the resources to hold so many hostages.

Under normal circumstances, the residents were already struggling with shortages. Therefore, continuing to hold back the people of Arlam could only end badly. However, Garfiel was very stubborn, and if we add to that the fact that he didn't trust me, he would easily turn against me no matter what I did or said. In fact, that was exactly what happened, but not as Roswaal expected.

"The good news is there shouldn't be any problems getting the villagers out anymore." I said. "So I should make preparations to bring them back in the next few days."

"How long do you think that will take?"

"Two or three days, at most. I'll do it as soon as I can."

Roswaal nodded slowly, cracking a smile.

"Good, good. I wish you luck in your endeavor. Now, that aside, how about we taaaalk about our beloved Rem?"

I didn't like the idea of talking about her with this manipulative bastard, but I was interested to know what he had to say about the matter.

"Sure, enlighten me." I agreed.

His smile widened and he moved his body forward, casting a twisted shadow in the room.

"As you know, Rem is empty inside. This doesn't usually prevent her from living a decent life, but..."

He paused, looking me up and down.

"Her heart needs sustenance. She's incapable of living for herself, so she must live for her loved ones. Her absolute devotion to Ram is a perfect example of this pathology."

"Uh-huh."

"Up until now, everything would fit. But this is where you come in, Leandro. You came into our lives and made a place for yourself in our hearts. That includes Rem, of course."

I was starting to get worried.

"Your presence in Rem's heart grew stronger and stronger, ever greater. And now, you're one of the most important things to her. Consequently, everything you do has a huge impact."

"And that means...?"

"It means you're responsible for Rem now. You knew what would happen if you became close to her, so you should use that influence you have to give her what she needs."

"What does she need?"

Sensing the tinge of desperation in my question, Roswaal chuckled.

"That you take control. You have to become her priority, her reason for being and existing. That way, she'll dedicate herself completely to serving you, and your happiness will be hers."

For the next few moments, there was only silence. The amusement in Roswaal's eyes contrasted with the severity in mine.

"Is that your idea of a solution? To take away Rem's free will? To make her my slave?"

"If you put it that way, anyone would say it's questionable, but I think it's the most convenient option. Anything else would take too much time and effort, which could be better spent."

I forced myself to stay calm. I needed to keep a cool head.

"Better... Yes, I can think of many better things than taking care of the mental health of a loved one." I said sarcastically.

I definitely wasn't planning on screwing up everything I did to get Rem to have emotional independence. However, my recent slips had done no more than that.

I covered my face and let out a moan.

"Everything was going well. Why did I have to make a mistake at the worst possible moment?"

"It's never too late to correct your mistakes, Leandro. You should know that better than anyone in the whole world."

For a moment, I felt like laughing, genuinely. My boss was basically telling me to kill myself. If this were on a Reddit forum, this might be posted as "just another day at the office."

Roswaal took advantage of my silence to emphasize his point.

"When you are willing to make sacrifices, there is no goal that is unattainable."

Now it was my turn to laugh.

"I don't need to get rid of anything. Only a coward without principles would do that."

"Coward, you say?"

"If you have a weak mind, your emotions control you. The coward's way out is to give up almost everything that holds sentimental value to them and thus lessen the emotional burden. On the other hand, a strong person can fight, fall, and get up a thousand times, all while keeping their heart intact. I choose to be strong."

"You want to live this life without giving up anything at all? That's... greedy." Roswaal frowned, his expression showing something akin to anger.

"What can I say? I'm a great sinner."

I stood up, considering it too dangerous to continue the conservation given how much my patience had deteriorated.

"Are you leaving already? What a shame. This conversation was getting interesting."

"We'll have to leave it for another time, Rossie."

When I looked out the window, I noticed it was already nighttime. By now, Emilia should have regained her memories after Puck broke their contract. I headed to her room to check.