Secret Desire (Nyssara FanFic)

Continue Living

She has somewhat drifted apart from Max and Rebecca. They still ask how each other were doing from time to time, but they can't seem to talk about other things without the uncomfortable feelings setting in. She can't talk to them about Oliver because they would just tell her how wrong it is. The only other person she can confide in was Nate. He doesn't judge her. He would say his thoughts with the matters from time to time, but he knew it was her way to cope.

"How are you doing today?"

"Better. I guess."

"You do seem better."

"How about you?"

"Trainings getting more intense, but keeping up with the pace. I hope they'll let me go to Nanda Parbat soon."

"That would be nice, won't it?"

"I don't know. No one has anything to say about it. No one has anything to say about anything at all. That's why I enjoy these talks of ours. Maybe if we don't do this, I might have gone insane and you would barely recognize the person I would be."

"You are different."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Good different. I hope you don't completely go haywire like..."

"Alec and the others?"

They both smiled remembering how much of an ass Alec had always seemed to them, and their thought haven't changed.

"Yeah."

"I hope so too."

"Do you have any news about her?"

He didn't know if he should tell her about it since it wasn't even sure, only a possibility, but should he get her hopes up? Should he tell her that there were whispers of Nyssa coming back for Starling? He asked about it but no one could tell him definite information. He doesn't even know if Nyssa would want Sara to know if she does come. Even though he has started to care deeply for Sara, his loyalty was still with Nyssa, so he kept the information to himself.

"No. Still nothing."

"But she's okay, right? She has to be."

"It ain't easy to put her down, you know."

"You're right."

They continued talking for another hour before parting ways. Nate headed back to Nyssa's house. The League's training grounds. He has been staying there to keep up with all the trainings and have moved out of his parents'. They didn't question him since he has always been so independent. And it was good for him because he didn't know how to answer their questions if they had any.

"You're late."

Nate was looking down at the path he was walking on, still quite aware of his surroundings. He knew there was someone standing by the door, but he was surprised by the voice that spoke.

"Nyssa."

"I thought I told you not to make me wait in training."

Her tone wasn't commanding, it was light and bantering.

"You're here."

"Yes, Nathaniel. I am here."

"How long will you stay?"

"I don't know yet."

"Are you going to see Sara?"

"You were with her."

"I was. We talk. She misses you."

"Is she okay?"

"She's doing well."

"That's good."

"If you do decide to meet with her, you should know it won't be easy. It won't be the same. She has accepted who you are, but you've been gone a long time, Nyssa."

"She's moved on."

"Not entirely, but yes. With Oliver Queen."

"She has always had feeling for that guy. Thank you, Nate." She said dismissing him.

Nyssa knew that she shouldn't expect anything coming back to Starling. She knew things would have changed. She knew Sara could have moved on. She knew there was a possibility of it, but it hurt to hear that it was true. She shouldn't have gone back, but something pulled her back. Her unyielding longing for Sara pulled her back. Now she has to decide whether to pursue the reason she came back, or just let it all go again.

The next day, she followed Sara and watched her carefully. She hoped it would help her decide what to do. She saw her with Oliver. She was smiling and laughing. It made Nyssa's heart ache. She was glad to see Sara smile and laugh, but it pained her to see that she wasn't the reason behind them, she has moved on and found someone else. She followed her back home, hiding and watching by the shadows.

Sara took a box out from the back of her closet. She opened it and Nyssa couldn't make out what was inside at first, then Sara held out a folded piece of paper from inside.

'Could it be?' She thought to herself. She had always thought that Sara had thrown them away like the last ones she had given that Sara didnt even bother reading.

Sara read the letter and smiled. She pulled out another and paused before reading. It was Nyssa's last letter from the box she had given her. She hadn't read it again after that. She slowly opened it and halfway through the letter, her tears flowed. It gave Nyssa hope. There was still a chance to get her back. To get her Sara back with her. Sara held the letter tightly to her chest after reading it, as if willing the words to hold her back. Nyssa moved into the light, catching Sara's sight.

"Nyssa." She smiled.

"Hello, Sara." She smiled back.

"Is it really you?"

Sara has had her mind play tricks with her before. Seeing and talking to nyssa one moment, then she was gone the next. She wished this one would be real.

Nyssa walked to her and knelt in front of her. She took the box from her lap and placed it on the floor, then she held both her hand in hers.

"I'm here, my love. I'm sorry it took me so long to come back."

Sara's tears bursted out even more and she just hugged the woman kneeling before her.

"Oh, Nyssa." She sobbed. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too." It was taking all of Nyssa's strength to fight back the tears threatening to fall.

"I shouldn't have asked you to leave. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I understand. I'm here now."

"Will you ever forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive. You did nothing wrong."

She held her tight, not wanting to ever let her go.

"I saw you with him. Oliver. You seem to be happy with him."

Sara pulled back to look into Nyssa's eyes. She saw what Nyssa didn't even bother to hide at the moment. Hurt.

"He comforts me, that's all."

"Is there still a chance for us?"

"Do you still love me?"

It made Nyssa smile that Sara would even ask.

"I was hurt. I thought of listening to what you told me and just forget about you, it wasn't easy. For a time, I thought I could do it. Move on with my life as I thought you would be doing, but then I realized I can't. I can't continue living without you. I would always yearn for at least a part of you, because I love you, Sara. I will always love you."