{ Do you know what it's like to wake up and not remember what happened from the day before? Having to wake up to a confused self and mind blowing with questions. Imagine wakening up and the only thing you remember is having severe memory loss. Having infections and operations to still having no memory. What's the point in having a brain if you can't remember anything. No memories. No nothing. What's the point? }
Summer
"I'm not depressed." I roll my eyes while dangling my legs off the side of the hospital bed. My mum and nurse look at me, shaking their heads. "She's always in her room, rarely eats. Only comes down the stairs to get a new book from the bookshelf and she's gone back up to her room." my mum sighs.
The nurse nods her head. "She's depressed."
I look down at my hospital gown, completely naked underneath. "I'm not depressed." I say again.
"Why not go outside more and meet new people." the nurse informs, not as a question. "Oh and forget who they are the next day." I snap. My mum scolds me with her eyes, the nurse looking at her clipboard that's now in her hands. The nurse looks up at me, sighing before speaking.
"I'm trying to help you-"
"How are you helping me when I'm just going to forget by tomorrow?" I let out a frustrated sigh and groan, letting my head fall into the palms of my weak hands, my elbows rested on my pale thighs. The nurse and my mum talk lowly while I sit here, frustrated. Can they not get that it's not easy? I hear a few words being passed before the tanned nurse who's name is Nurse Antoinette, speaks up. "Lets take your injections."
I rub my eyes with the palms of my hands, groaning to myself and only for myself to hear before taking my hands away from my face and sitting up straight enough. I breath in while I see Antoinette getting the needle ready. My mum walks over to me and grabs my opposite hand, not with the arm that's getting the injection. She rubs my arm up and down with her other hand, creating heat and friction.
And this is my life. Injections twice a day. Doctors visits four times a week. Medication three times a day. And last, no memory.
I close my eyes, wincing slightly as I feel the needle being injected into my arm. I feel my mum squeeze my hand. I sigh, not wanting any more needles. "Just one more." the nurse says before walking away to get the last needle ready. I keep my eyes closed, just wanting to go home already.
"This will be slightly more sore." the nurse says, making me sigh once again. I hold my breath, waiting for her to stick the needle into my upper arm. "Let loose." my mum says into my ear. I breath out a sigh, letting loose. I feel the needle going into my arm, a small squeak coming from my throat.
The nurse puts a small plaster over the two dotted holes, rubbing my arm up and down. "All done." I open my eyes, jumping off the table and onto the ground, my bare feet being met with the cold.
Everyone's different and I accept that but why am I so different? Why can't I live with memories from yesterday? Positive memories to look back on. Even negative memories so I can learn from the past or my mistakes, but no. I can't do that. Summer Bell can't do that. Why? Because she was diagnosed with severe memory loss at eight months. I'm more likely to get diagnosed with Brain Cancer. My mum and dad are scared incase I do get diagnosed but that's what I get for being diagnosed.
I drag my feet along the concrete, my mum scolding me for doing it. I stop, opening the door to our car and sit on the passengers side. We drive slowly down the street as the car in front of us is taking their time. My mum blows the horn but it doesn't make them budge. She rolls her eyes, deciding to ask me questions to calm herself down before she leaves our car in the rear end of the one in front. I chuckle slightly as my mums expression. "So Summer, eighteen soon huh?"
I nod my head, my eyes kept locked out of the front screen. "I am?" I ask, turning my head to now look at my mums. She nods her head. "Yes, only about seven more months." a grin now forming on her face, wiping her previous puss off.
"Oh right," I bob my head slightly to the music that's playing in the car radio, not knowing what song it is. "So that's good, yeah?"
"It is Summer. You'll be a grown adult."
I don't answer, just nod. We are currently making our way to a centre where I go to socialise. I haven't went for the past probably two to three weeks, as my mum recalls. You are literally surrounded by people with different diseases or causes and you talk. Play games. I only talk to the main man himself which is the owner, as my mum has informed me. Antoinette made me go the centre today after my hospital check up because apparently I'm depressed.
Soon enough, my mum is parked in the parking lot, outside the centre, one or two people already going in. "Go and have fun, I'll collect you at six."
I check the time on the car radio to see it's currently six minutes to five in the afternoon. "A whole hour?" I whine.
"Yes and that whole hour will do you the world of good." my mum pats my back, while smiling big. I roll my eyes, opening the car door and stepping outside. "I'll be out here at half five." I say, ducking down to be met with my mum scolding me. "No, six o'clock Summer. Now go."
I groan, slamming the door shut, not before hearing her sending me off with a, "Goodbye!" I turn and look at the centre, my eyes focused on the door. I breath in a deep breathe, slowly making my way towards the door. I hear my mum drive off, making me roll my eyes. I finally reach the door, swinging it open. I lick my lips, searching for the door to the big opened room my mum told me to go to. I walk further in, pulling my white jacket closer to me. I see a opened door straight in front of me in which I go through to see a second door to my right. I open it slightly to see a few people gathered in a big circle talking. I breath in, opening the door for myself to fit in only, the door squeaking as I do so. Some people look towards my direction, making me scold myself on the inside. I smile slightly at the people who look at me, walking further into the big room.
There was chairs put in a big neat circle in the middle of the room, turning my attention off that to be greeted by a voice. I turn to the voices' direction, to see a young girl smiling. "Summer?" she asks in which I smile. "You haven't been here in ages." she exaggerates her words. I nod, not knowing who she is.
"I'm Mary, do you not remember me?" she asks, pointing her index finger to her chest. Before I could get to answer her burning question, a male voice speaks out from behind me. "No Mary she doesn't, just leave the question." I spin around on my heels to be greeted with a slightly grey bearded man who wore baggy jeans which looked tight on him as for his weight with a maroon coloured jacket zipped up close to his neck, a grey round necked t-shirt slightly poking out from under his jacket.
"I'm Mr. Hatewell but you can call me Jonathan." he sticks out his hand for me to shake in which I accept. "I'm the owner of this greet, meeting, mashup," she moulds his fingers together to create a somewhat mashup. I nod my head, understanding where he's coming from as he just drops his hands to his sides making me chuckle.
I know who he is but I don't know who he is. I was told who he is as many times as I was here but I wasn't as I don't remember. In which they have to repeat to me every time I show up here. It must get very annoying, repeating yourself to the same person but you can't blame me, I honestly don't remember. "We're going to be sitting in that circle now if you want to go over and claim a chair?" he chuckles slightly, pointing to the ring of chairs in the centre of the floor. I nod, walking slow to the ring of chairs, smiling at some people who turned to look at me. I slowly slip into a chair in which I see Mr. Hatewell grabbing his guitar from the side of the room. People are starting to gather around the circle, taking seats across from me and near me but not beside me. Mr. Hatewell now takes a seat, beginning to talk as he gets his guitar ready and tuned as a few people are still seating themselves. I'm guessing We're singing songs.
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- Hollie 💙
