My ocs react to different situations: idk what im doing

Oneshot: Memories (Elena Barnes - CoD)

So... Elena is probably my most traumatized oc. She has the shittiest past of all of them and as the title suggests we see some memories of her past and some closer to her present. This will be a really triggering chapter for some people, so please read the trigger warnings! At the end we have more positive memories and a reference to another fandom, hehe.

To everyone who read the oneshot in my 'Multifandom Oneshots' book, you might notice that I added even more trauma to my girl... Don't ask why, it just helped with her story. Which I'm writing, but it's going slow.

To be honest I just want to give this woman a hug but she hates physical contact so I'll just have to shout encouraging sentences at her when I write her traumatic past... and if y'all could maybe join me, that would be swell.

Also, I've noticed A LOT of spelling mistakes in my previous chapters so don't worry to call me out on those, I don't mind. Spelling mistakes in other books make me like the book less, so please don't worry, just tell me so the book is enjoyable for everyone.

Wow I'm talking too much.

Let's get to the oneshot.

This oneshot contains spoilers for: Nothing.

Trigger warning: mention of SA, rape, abuse, trauma, sexual acts, bruises, vomit, insomnia, nightmares, a fight, injury (I think that's all, I kind of expected more)

When the sergeant from a visiting team finally falls asleep after draping his arm so overprotectively over my waist, I open my eyes and let my relaxed sleeping expression drop. I crawl out from his embrace and quietly sneak into the bathroom. Luckily I got good at walking quietly since... 

I shake my head and silently close the door behind me. I look at my reflection in the mirror, the marks the guy left on my skin very visible on my pale skin.

A wave of nausea washes over me. Ever since things happened to me, I can't enjoy sex anymore. I squeeze my eyes shut to block out the memories of earlier, when he slid into me and groaned, but it just makes it worse.

One memory triggers another and suddenly I'm sixteen year old Elena again, screaming and begging her father to help her as two men keep my legs open while another forces himself into me.

It was my birthday. I knew it was gonna happen. It always happened on my birthday. Or his. Or another soldier's. Or just because they wanted to. A couple of days later I'd decided to stop trying to get my dad's approval and finally escape. I still did what he said and it still took three more years, but eventually I did.

I kneel down infront of the toilet and throw up. When my stomach is finally empty, I lean my head against the cool edge.

Another memory flashes up in my head. My father leaning over me, telling me I'd been a good girl as I felt the liquid of the men drip out of me. That was after... the first time. I'd been twelve and had my first period. God, I should've known better when I'd seen him smile when he saw the blood.

It meant that I was a real woman now, he'd said as he gripped my wrist and took me to the bedroom. He never touched me, no, he was respectful like that, he'd let his men do it. I'd cried and screamed that it hurt, but he said it was normal. My mother had told me to keep fighting when she died. I did, but I didn't want to disappoint my dad.

My hands ball into fists in my lap. I do this to myself because maybe, maybe I'd feel normal someday and enjoy this. Maybe all the new memories will remove the triggering ones. Maybe I won't flinch when someone puts a hand on my back.

I get up and stand infront of the sink, my eyes not darting to my relfection for once, but the photo of my team. It had been taken a couple of weeks after I joined and Price had taken us to the pub after a succesful mission. Soap had taught me some Scottish curses and Gaz had taught me pool, while Ghost laughed at me when I missed.

It was one of my first really happy days in more than a decade, because even though I'd failed at something - pool - I didn't get punished. I even laughed at my own mistakes.

I smile softly at the memory, brushing a hand over my own smiling face in the photo. Task Force 141 is my home. My family.

Price found me on the streets traumatized and fighting for my life. Literally. I was fighting a much bigger man infront of a convenience store with a broken bottle. Price had to pin me down so he could get me to safety, but I'd had too many bad experiences with men pinning me down, so I'd scratched him with a shard of the bottle. He still has the scar.

I was like a stray cat when he took me in. I didn't talk the first week. Eventually, I'd started to feel safe around him and opened up. He doesn't know everything that happened to me, but he knows most. After a year he let me join TF141. Because of my skill I didn't have to start as a rookie, I was immediately sergeant.

The others were skeptical at first, but when I took down Ghost in a sparring match, not with strength, that's impossible, but with skill, they were easily convinced. 

I'd changed my name to Elena Barnes so the rookies didn't start gossiping. Being called 'Buck', because a rookie was a Marvel fan and noticed my rank in combination with my new last name was exactly like the character Bucky Barnes, is better than everyone being afraid because my last name is Makarov.

"I'm okay", I whisper to myself. Some things trigger bad memories and that will probably stay that way for a long time, but I have the happy memories to distract me.

I had to find a healthier way to... fix myself, though, because I can't keeo doing this. I wash my face of with some water.

The guy knows this was a one time thing, no strings attached.

I grab my sleeping shirt from the chair I'd left it in the morning and fold the clothes I'd messily taken off and put them on my desk.

I get back in the bed and look at the ceiling. I wouldn't sleep tonight, I almost never do, and when I do, it's filled with nightmares.

I'll just have to zone out and fake being asleep in the morning. He would be leaving early to his own base anyway.