In Between Codes

Chapter 9

At lunch, Tamy was drawing the attention of the students in the cafeteria, laughing loudly and speaking with Zoe and Angie. She was overflowing with energy, almost performing—gesturing wildly with exaggerated, over-the-top femininity. Every word she spoke was a dramatic show, each sentence dripping with playful phrases like, "Oh honey," "Yaaas queen," and "Fierce!" 

Every few minutes, she pulled out a small pocket mirror she'd taken from her mom, fixing her makeup with intense focus. Still, despite her meticulous grooming, she slouched in her seat, her legs splayed open, as if she were completely unaware of how her body language was coming across.

After a while, Zoe and Angie exchanged a quiet look before speaking up. "Tamy," Zoe said gently, "you need to tone it down a little. You're acting... not like yourself. You're attracting a lot of attention, and it's kind of making us uncomfortable."

Tamy waved them off, not taking the hint. "Nonsense! I'm just expressing myself! I'm finally letting my true colors shine!" she declared, her voice rising with self-assurance. She was in the middle of explaining how she was really finding herself when she felt a sharp tug on her hand.

Before she could react, Anja, looking visibly upset, took her by the wrist and pulled her away from the table. Tamy barely had time to register what was happening before Anja guided her to the bathrooms in silence.

For the first time in her life, Tamy stood in a girls' bathroom, and the reality of it made her feel suddenly small. Her usual energy drained away, replaced by the familiar feeling of shyness. Anja didn't waste any time.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she asked, crossing her arms and glaring at Tamy.

Tamy shifted awkwardly, her confidence slipping. "Just... expressing... meself... my... myself," she stammered.

Anja raised an eyebrow. "Is that so? So you identify as a clown now?"

Tamy, still trying to hold onto her sense of self, mumbled, "No... I'm a woman..."

Anja's voice grew sharper. "Really? Because what I saw out there was a clown doing a terrible impersonation of the most offensive '90s drag queen stereotype."

Tamy went silent, the weight of Anja's words sinking in. She looked down, unsure of what to say next.

Anja softened, but her tone remained firm. "Look, Tamy, I'm happy for you, 100%. Seriously. And don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're expressing yourself. But I take womanhood seriously. I'm proud of being a woman, and I respect what that means."

Tamy's heart pounded in her chest as Anja continued, "If you want to be a drag queen, fine. But don't go around calling yourself a woman when you're acting like a joke. When you do that, you make all of us look like jokes. Womanhood and femininity are about so much more than skirts and makeup. It's okay to be girly, delicate, and even flimsy, but you have to carry yourself with dignity, self-respect, and self-worth."

Tamy didn't know what to say. The truth of it was undeniable, and it stung. But, deep down, she knew Anja was right. 

Anja softened again, offering a more compassionate look. "Think about it. If you're serious about being a woman, then put in the effort. You can't just show up and expect it to work."

Tamy stood there, speechless for a moment. She had never really thought about it like this before, but Anja's words hit her like a reality check. "You're right," she finally whispered. "This is all new to me. I got so caught up in trying to catch up... I overdid it."

Anja gave her a small, understanding nod. "It's okay. We all make mistakes. But you can start with the basics." She paused for a moment, thinking, then added with a grin, "Maybe ask your mom—or a friend—to teach you some of the norms for girls. Like sitting with your knees together, especially when you're wearing a skirt."