I've been looking for you for 4 years. (Mcfly fanfic)

6. Four years

"I've thought about you everyday, too. And well here we are, 4 years later." I said.

He chuckled and moved slightly closer to me, only to get up and move to the other side of the wall, so we were facing each other.

"You know that after my dad left, how depressed I was. Thinking how bad of a child I must have been for him to leave?" He asked.

"Yeah. For a whole month I was there. You were always crying and hated yourself. I was there." I said, recollecting those tough times for him.

"The day you left, it felt like my dad all over again." He said, then paused and started to cry so he wiped them away with his hand. I didn't want to make eye contact with him.

"I was severely depressed and thought about ending my life. Until I thought about you. You're the only reason I'm alive. I never lost hope in seeing you again." He said.

"Doug, if I had known that I wouldn't have left. I was selfish and didnt think of you. And I had no idea that when I left it was like your dad.." I said.

He laughed and looked at me across the hall. "It was worse." He said.

I started crying. I hurt this boy so much, he hates me. "It's worse because I didn't really love my dad." He paused, staring at me with a serious face.

"But I love you. For fucking sure." He said.

My mouth hanged open slightly and I fought back tears.

"Anna, I love you. You've been my best friend for as long as I can remember. Like I said, you're the only reason I'm here. I'm sure as hell glad I found you. I don't know what I would have done." He said.

I closed my eyes and tilted my head back to the wall, hitting it slightly.

"Owe."

I laughed. "I missed you SOOO much. I missed all the times you brought me out for ice cream, when you taught me how to play guitar and said I was good. When I liked singing and you told me I had an amazing voice but you had to because you're my best friend. Haha. The time when I told you I wanted to be a photographer so you saved up money for a year and bought me a camera, then you let me take pictures of you for hours." I said pausing, meeting my gaze with his.

"I remember all that too. How could I forget." He said.

"I didn't. I still remember those days when we were all each other had cuddled to watch movies. And I wouldn't never forget all the millions of times that we comforted each other whenever we were hurt or bullied." I stated all the things that were occupying 90% of my brain.

"Yes. I never forgot!" He said loudly.

"I thought you forgot about me." I said.

He looked at his large hands then looked at me. "I could never forget someone as beautiful and kind as you." He stopped and stared at me.

He spoke up once again. "I thought you forgot about ME."

"Dougie, I would never forget you, I was just paranoid and left. I haven't spoken to my parents. I don't miss them. I don't miss England, or my house, or Gable hall. None of that. I only missed you." I said.

"I missed you too. Wanna know something?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Will it make me sad and hate myself even more?"

He looked at me with a very serious face. "The day you left, I was coming over to your house to check on you. I was going to ask you to be my girlfriend that day."

I broke down, just from that one sentence. It hurts on how much you can love a person and never tell them. It hurt how much I hurt Doug. It hurt how much I missed him. It hurt knowing he was suicidal.