Secrets of an Introvert

Alone

You never understand the true meaning of loneliness
Until you're surrounded by a crowd
And there you sit
Feeling like you might drown

You listen to other people chat and talk
And into space you stare
Knowing that deep down
There isn't anyone that really cares

The one thing that flows through your head
Would anyone really miss me if I wasn't here?
Would they notice if I left without saying goodbye?
Then you try hard to hold back the tears

Overthinking gets the better of you
As you battle between staying and going
You don't want to be a party pooper
But there's nothing else to be doing

You look around the crowd
Everyone laughing and having fun
But no one really notices
That where you are there is none

You wish you could say something
To get them to see you
But the thought of being the centre of attention
Is something you can never get used to

Never knowing what to say
You wonder why you agreed to go
At the time it seemed like a good idea
But in the end it just made you feel low

Sitting there wishing you could interact
Watching as if through a screen
Wondering if you'll ever be sociable
And jump out ready to be seen

You picture yourself as the chatty one
But it's always just a fantasy
Because deep down you know
Social gatherings are just not your cup of tea

You realise you should have stayed at home
In front of the TV or with a good book
But now it's too late
And you've got to pretend it's all good

Eventually you pick youself up
And find someone to say bye to
Even though they'd never notice
If a space was left by you

On the way home you scold yourself
For thinking you could do it
You vow to never make the same mistake again
As you remember that you and social events are just not a good fit

When you open the door
You're glad to be home
But you can't shake the feeling
That forever you'll be alone