Living With Phantoms | Black Butler

Chapter 40: Weston College...?

CHAPTER 40:

So far, I have no allies left and I am in the arms of the Evil noble.

Thinking about it all, the memory of Finnian pushing a sleeping chemical soaked handkerchief unto my face came vividly rushing back at me.

With the thought, I simply grew even more depressed.

I loved to think that Finnian and the others wouldn't do such a thing to me, but of course. I'm obviously stupid to think so.

"They're Phantomhive servants." My conscience said, "don't you remember the black tree saying they were Ciel's private army??"

And with that, the depression was now eating at me in a much faster pace, acting like a cold that slowly turned into a wild fever.

Sitting in my room, I simply stared out the window, seeing that the once gentle and cheerful clouds have finally turned a silent, cold grey over the mansion while my ears intently listened for one of those tiny and quiet, gentle rumbles of thunder.

For some reason, they always made me feel slightly more calm. And I was in desperate need of such a thing.

Like a recurring wave, the words of Marcus' death continued to crash into me. With the minutes ticking by, I felt my shoulders slowly falling limp under my head along with my eyes, a sudden tiredness settling in me.

"Depressed?" I asked myself, my voice small and weary as the confusion set in me.

I recall reading in a book-a character that had undergone extremely traumatic events all the while watching his ailing mother die right before his eyes. Not long after, the man fell into a state which filled his heart with a throbbing, quiet stillness, a feeling of simple hopelessness eating at him as everything started to turn grey and sad. Soon, he too succumbed to the arms of death through a sudden, quiet death in his sleep.

Staring out the window and seeing the gentle drizzle finally falling, I weakly scoffed at myself, the silence of my room taunting me.

"I can't cry but I can be depressed? How maddening this is."

As a demon, it's obvious I can't feel anything such as remorse and sadness anymore. But then how in god's name can this emotion be ruining my sanity?

Other than that, back with Ciel and Sebastian, my eyes continuously made me suffer with some sort of burning feeling which I now understand happens every time someone (Sebastian) angers me. So I can be sad and angry.

Ah, a demon's life is wonderful.

After a few more minutes ticked by with my room stuck in a deafening silence, I finally felt my chest go tight, this time in sudden annoyance. With a growl, I pushed off of bed, springing to my feet and stomping out the door, heading out my room without knowing where to go.

"As long as I don't see anyone in this household, that's good enough for me." my conscience snapped as I quietly walked through the silent halls, glaring right ahead and not knowing or seeing where I was headed while my feet seemed to glide over the soft, velvet carpet.

Thankfully, after a few minutes of moving around and getting a bit lost, not once did I encounter anyone from the household. They must be hiding from me.

Well, that was alright for me as well. With me stuck in the enemy's territory, not talking to them seemed like the best idea I've ever thought of. And like I said, as a demon, guilt is something I no longer possess.

Before I knew it, I was standing outside the mansion, my surroundings slightly brighter but still grey and eerie in my eyes. It looked even more eerie thanks to the gentle drizzle of rain coming down at me like powder as I blinked in slight confusion.