Go To Hell | Blue Exorcist/Tokyo Ghoul Crossover

Chapter Thirty-Two: Hold On To You

A/N

So... About last chapter...

I'M SORRY! IT HURTS ME TOO YOU KNOW BUT PLOT Dx

But like I said, that was not the last chapter, nor is this one. However, there will only be either one or two chapters left of this story until it's finished and then SEQUEL!! But I'll give you more info on that in the epilogue...

Anyhoo, I'll let you fix your hearts now...

Enjoy the chapter ^^

Peace out, my lovely peeps!XxX

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KANEKI'S P.O.V

Why does it always rain? Whenever something like this happens, why is it that the sky feels the need to weep alongside you? Maybe that's just it. Maybe the heavens feel sorrow for the loss almost as much as you and wish to let their despair known. Gripping my hands into fists, I tolerate the words that fall from Yukio's lips, going on and on about how having Rin in his life affected it and how much he'll be missed, despite having turned him away not hours before he... No. I refuse to use that word. I'll never say it again. I can't.

Once he's finished, he steps down from the podium, trying to avoid my eyes as I glare at him with hands balled into fists, using everything I have to not lunge at him and blame him for what happened to Rin. Instead, I swallow my breaths, though they tremble viciously, something that Touka notices, her eyes falling upon me with a concerned glance. Nudging my knuckles with her fingertips, she slips her palm into mine, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze whilst I fight off the tears, as well as nerves. They want me to talk. They want me to say something. But I don't have any words to say. I don't want to speak. Ever since it happened, I've refused to talk.

"Kaneki, you can't not say something. It'll be alright," Touka murmurs softly, my eyes flickering down to meet hers for a brief second before I turn them away again, gulping down the lump in my throat whilst salty water races to the corners of my eyes, quickly slithering over my face in silver trails. Nodding once, knowing that she's right, I hesitantly drop her hand from mine, gradually taking a few steps towards the podium before I hesitate, casting a look back to Touka. After she mouths 'it'll be alright' again, I break eye-contact and take my rightful place beside where they've placed his body, my brain unable to process the words linked to the passing of a life. I still can't accept it, even though he lies there, completely motionless with no life to his skin. No smile to his face. No emotion to his features. Just... Nothing.

Staring out at the sympathetic sea of black clothing, I gasp in a deep breath, my eyes constantly flickering between them and Rin, my bottom lip already trembling weakly whilst tears slip over my cheeks. I have to do this, even if I can't. I won't let him leave without me saying goodbye properly, even if I'll never accept that he's gone.

"When I first met Rin, he was broken. Just like me, he was terrified of everything that was happening to him. He needed someone to help him, so I tried. Holy hell I tried. But, in doing so, he helped me too. He saved me from the monster in my head. He saved me from never feeling anything but numb. He made me human. Gave me life again. And this is how I repaid him. If it weren't for me... He... He'd still be alive!" I sob, suddenly feeling my knees buckle from under me as I collapse to the floor, Touka instantly darting over to me so that she can cradle me under her arm, my pained wails tearing through the silence whilst everyone watches, nobody sure how to react as I allow my despair to consume me. "I-I'm sorry, Rin! I-I'm so sorry!" I cry, Touka softly hushing me, though her gentle words take no effect.