Phoenix On Fire

Chapter 1 - Welcome to Hell

Days like a flipped carnival
Where up is down and down is up
And life is mixed with death
Are what we must survive 
If I wake from my dreamless sleep, 
May tomorrow begin like a dream?

- Enhypen ~ Outro: Cross The Line

-------- Aurora --------

"See you tomorrow then," Brandon says as I see him off. "잘 가요," (jal gayo = get home safely) I smile to him. I'm cleaning up the space and I'm exhausted. Today was a very busy day. I grab my bag and head outside, to the cold, pitch black streets of Area #58431. I lit up a cigarette as I walk to my favourite spot of this shithole. 

A terrace from where you can see Venscendia as a whole, laid out just for you. No one visits this place. People are scared to climb up here, since the terrain is slippery and filled with trash, and there's literally industrial fire burning next to you. I like the vibes. 

People in my country speak a mix of English and Korean, sometimes only one of the two. The nobles speak another language that simple civilians aren't allowed to know, let alone exiled people like me. The area I live in is filled with filth, rubbish and thugs. Along with people who want you dead just for existing. 

I kind of wish that many people around me were dead. But I've never expressed that out loud. It seems odd to me that all citizens here are so scared of me. I simply just know how to fight and I own a tiny gym. For a moment I look up at the sky. If it wasn't for the fire next to me, this night would look magical. I wish I had a camera to capture all these stars. Ah... 예쁘다 (yeppuda = it's beautiful).

I focus back to reality. It's journal time. I have a small notebook, in which I draw or write nonsense sometimes. Most of the time, I stay alone with my thoughts, sitting in this small terrace and bleed my heart on paper. Only when it's raining do I go back to my room. I like journaling in places where the scenery is good. The times I can't have that, I look up at the ceiling, or down to the floor, and imagine that I'm in some other world, a universe where I can belong. Then sleep just takes me away due to exhaustion. Insomnia is my best friend. Many times do people think I'm a real zombie.

The whole city is quiet. I hate that goddamn silence. I hate ordinary days. I hate boring routines. I can't. Is there nothing to keep me sane? My life is indifferent, quiet, poisonous. My mind lingers around the thoughts that haunt me every single day, every moment of it. 

my ticket for insanity. 

There is so much poison around me. My heart is nothing but a dark web of a spider, that once bit me and now it has settled inside, slowly eating me from the inside out. When I break down I'm crying black tears, as if I'm made from liquid charcoal.

More than once have I actually tried to burn it all down, to the very fucking ground. I'm sick. Of these people, of this life, of me. But that would be a weakness. To burn it all down and end my misery like this would be too easy, too.. painless. I don't know why I exist. My existence was never special, nor it will be. I'm just an orphan, but still, I'm here.

After almost tearing the whole page that I'm writing on I'm trying to calm myself down, but it's futile. I stand up and start punching the metal wall next to me. I can still see my punch marks here and there. My knuckles hurt, but I will never stop. One doesn't stop, even when hurt. Especially when they wish they could be seen and heard. 

I space out of my little self hating universe and jump back into reality in a brutal way. I look at the city, its people and I realize it's not morning just yet. It's 1:34 am. This can only mean one thing. The royal army is here and I need to run.

As I try to climb down from the terrace as fast as possible I can't help but feel my heart want to explode inside my chest. The first thought that comes to mind are my girls. Verena and Josephine. Soldiers don't usually invade houses, unless there's someone specific they wish to be dead. So I hope they're inside, and that they're going to stay safe.