Unity

Chapter Twenty Five

"I saw Levi," Eren looked at me with confused eyes.

"Levi Ackerman?" I nodded. "Where?"

"Behind a strip club." Eren rested his forehead against his palm and sighed. "He gave me 100 pounds for a blow-job." Eren closed his eyes and sighed again.

"I thought so," Eren looked back up at me. His eyes showed clear sadness. "How do you know there's a video of you getting beat up on YouTube?" I played with my fingers until I recalled that one memory.

"Someone pointed at me and shouted 'That's the tranny that got beat up on that viral video!'." Eren grimaced and made a sound of disgust.

Eren stayed silent for a while. Our conjoined quietness was actually kind of eerie and it commenced with the air conditioning in a creepier way. Eren bent over and hugged his knees, which were up against his chest. I, however, stayed laying on my side away from Eren. I knew that I loved him and I knew that I was so happy that I was back with him, but both of us were too broken right now to cuddle. I didn't want to be touched, anyways. I didn't even want Eren to touch me. I'm too tense right now and I wasn't really ready to forgive him yet and I think he's kind of upset at me, too. I'm still shocked that Eren would ever say that to me. Yeah, I still loved him, but it was going to take me a while to warm up to him again.

"I love you," Eren sounded hopeful in his voice and my thought immediately changed. Eren's always wanted to cuddle. He didn't care if we had just been fighting. He just wanted someone small to hold.

"I love you too, but I'm not ready to act all romantic with you again." Eren stared at the front of his hands and sighed. He looked at me sadly and then back down at his hands.

"How  come?"

"I'm still really upset by the things you said to me. I don't care if you were drunk or if you couldn't think clearly. It a lot of what's ever been said to me regarding my identity just thrown at me by you. I'd never expect it from you." Eren lay his head on his pillow and I could hear and feel him make a small high-pitched noise. I could tell he wasn't tired, but I could tell that he wouldn't mind sleeping. Actually, sleep wouldn't come easily for him. I had a feeling that neither of us were going to sleep that night.

"I'm a douchebag." I thought to myself before I said anything, but I decided it was appropriate. 

"Yeah. Sometimes you are." Eren gave me a small look with a quiet meaning, because he probably wanted me to tell him the opposite. "But aren't we all? You know, Eren, everyone makes dick-moves every once and a while, but that doesn't make them, as an individual, a douchebag. The only people that are actually douchebags are the ones that don't acknowledge the fact that they are." Eren took a glance at me hesitantly. "It's quite humourus, isn't it? They feel so sure for themselves that they are the coolest person in the world. I think that it's mostly that, actually. They think they're the best, therefore they don't want to treat others with the same quality that they treat themselves. They don't really care for anyone but themselves. Everything they say can't be accounted for because they're self-centred idiots. But who would I know?" I'm surprised that I didn't start crying right there. I guess ever since I started Testosterone, there's been a lot less Oestrogen in my blood so my emotional responses have been so much different. I cry a lot less now. I actually rarely cry now, now that I think about it.

"I apologise for making you feel less of yours--"

"When did I ever say that? I don't feel less of myself I just think you were acting like a douchebag." Eren didn't need to say anything for me to know what was on his mind. 

After my short speech, sleep actually did come a bit quicker. I'm not sure if it's because I radiated tension off of me and Eren absorbed all of it. 

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