Hate Me Now, Understand Me Later

Chapter 14

Skylar

 

"So what's up, Poppa? What has your game all jacked up?" Rae asked me as she settled on the couch in the living room with a bowl of popcorn and jalapenos.

I let out a long sigh. I really didn't want to talk about Sanai. It hurts too much.

"Is it Sanai?" She asked.

I nodded my head.

"What happened? I thought yall was all lovey dovey the last time I talked to you."

"I broke things off with her." I admitted.

"Why?! I thought you had feelings for her."

"I did...I do."

"Then what's up? Why'd you break things off?"

I tossed words around in my head until they fell in place and rolled out of my mouth.

"I broke things off because I didn't want to risk hurting her. Hearing her constantly say that she was scared that I was going to hurt her made me scared that I was going to hurt her! Besides, we were too different anyway."

"What you mean 'too different' ?"

"Like, I mean mom and dad raised us with morals but I choose to live like I don't have none. Sanai's parents raised her with morals and she aint letting them go. I feel like we tryna force two different worlds together. When you force something, it never works. I mean, it may work for a while awhile but when the pressure gets too great, its gon' release itself. I'd rather us respectfully walk away now rather than hate each other years from now because we forced something that we knew wasn't gonna work."

"True. I understand and I see where you're coming from. It's like when I had to break things off with Ricky. I caught a lot of flak for not going back to him after Ms. Teresa passed away. People felt like I led him on when all I was trying to do was be there for him. True I crossed the line and kissed him a few times and cuddled a lot but I'm a sentimental person and being super caring is in my nature.

But anyway, I knew that neither one of us was gon' let go of the past. I wasn't going to get over the fact that he lied and he wasn't going to get over the fact that I got pregnant with somebody else's child. In retrospect, I've come to realize that it takes a long time for you to figure out who you are. I didn't get to do that. The moment Ricky told me that in ten years he saw himself married to me,was the moment that I let him tell me who I was and who I was going to be. And I accepted it because it's every girls fantasy. I no longer had to worry about finding a man to marry because I had one who was willing to, right in my face.

You are blessed on the other hand because you recognize that you don't fully know who you are and you're not willing to let another person into your life until you figure it out. I wish I would of recognized it when I was your age. It probably would of saved me a lot of heartache. But then again it's a good thing because I wouldn't have myTai and Allen."

"Yall corny as hell. What the hell is a myTai?" I chuckled, tryna lighten the mood.

Rae was spitting that real though.

"Don't hate!" She said, mushing me playfully.

"Naw but I hear you though Rae. I just really don't think that Sanai is ready for the life I'm trying to lead. I plan to live life in the fast lane. She's more of the settle down type. To be honest, if I run into Sanai ten years from now I'll snatch her up real quick but that aint realistic now is it?"

"You never know...I ran into Sammie ten years later." She smirked.

"Thanks for the talk, Rae." I said , pulling her in for hug.