Be with me.

Be With Me - Chapter six

Rhiannon's POV

Josh's Default ringtone broke the silence in my room, I curled up in my fetal position even harder, closing my eyes tight and placing my hands over my ears.

I was laid on my bed with his oversized jumper on, sobbing uncontrollably.

I've completely lost all my faith and trust in him.

I wanted to hate him, but a part of me just screamed in protest. I want to be able to walk past him every day at school and feel nothing, I want to be able to delete his number from my phone, delete his Facebook, delete all our instagrams and rip up every photo of us. To just completely delete him out of my life. I wanted to sit up, wipe my eyes, take a shower and get on with my life, as if nothing had ever happened between us.

But I knew that was unrealistically preposterous.

Within the years we have spent together, he's wormed his way inside my heart and soul. we've been inseparable for years, I love him beyond anything, but now it's time to let go..

Lately, as we've become even closer, and puberty hit us both like bricks, I've developed so many irresponsible feelings for him, I can't let him know because I know for a fact they're not mutual, he loves me, but he doesn't know that secretly, I'm in love with him. I think this is why I'm in so much pain.

I sat up on my bed and pulled his jumper over my knees, I wiped my eyes, they were puffy, painful, stinging and red from crying so hard. I breathed deeply. I looked at the time; just before 5.

I could either sit at home, locked in my dimly lit bedroom, avoiding my family and wallowing about josh and my mother all night, or I could go out and break all the rules... I sat for a moment, biting my bottom lip deep in thought.

fuck it, what's the harm. Clearly no one else abides by any fucking rules anymore.

Josh's Pov.

I stood in the shower motionless, barely feeling the burning hot water brush my skin. I was miles away in thought. Why the fuck didn't I just tell her when I had the chance? I ran my hands through my hair, pulling it slightly and turned the water off, sighing.

I stepped out of the shower and went into my room, still miles away.

Maybe this 'thing' is good. I don't know what to call it... A break up? What even is this?

But maybe it is good, Rhi puts up with so much shit for being friends with me, without me, she could soar through high school unnoticed, just how she'd absolutely love, but I'm part of her life, therefore she's known by most people. They ask me why I hang around with her 'a geek'. However, she's not a geek, I tell them that, even I'm cleverer than her, and that's saying something. High school is just full of labels I suppose. But without me now, maybe her life will be so much easier, she can blend into the back ground just as she's always wanted too..

I turned around in frustration and punched the wall, screaming in anger.

I pulled on a V-neck t-shirt and some grey jeans and ruffled my hair, I grabbed my wallet, my keys and my phone.

I pulled up outside Luke's house with a screech from driving too fast and rang him.

'I'm outside; we're off to Masons, hurry.' I put the phone down. I needed to get out, to feel something other than this anger and sorrow, and what better way to fill the hole than a house full of alcohol and easy sluts to literally, fill a hole. Within two minutes he was sat next to me. I floored the car and stared ahead in frustration.

'Shit, what's up with you?' Luke asked, looking up from his blackberry, 'seriously, you okay bro?'

'Nothing. I'm fine' I said through gritted teeth.

*

The first thing I did when I arrived at masons was down as many shots as I could before they made my mouth watery-vomit. I looked briefly around the porch and saw no one of interest; I walked round the back of the house to the pool and sat beside Shannon, a good mutual friend of Rhi and I. I smile at her through my drunken eyes, she looked pretty tonight.

'Hey' she said sympathetically, placing her hand on my leg. I smiled in reply and swallowed the lump in my throat; I looked at her and shook my head, knowing she'd understand how much I didn't want to talk about it. She squeezed my leg. 'You know where I am'. 

'Hey Josh' I heard someone call from the shadows, I walked over dazed.

'Holy fuck! hey Jamie, it's been ages, where've you been man?!' I said, pulling him into a brotherly hug.

He blew out a puff of smoke 'here, there, everywhere' He said playfully. 'you know me' he chuckled.

Jamie was a really good friend of mine for years and years, he always knew how to cheer me up, and seeing him here made me smile a little, he was ace at cheering me up. Sometimes he'd get me into a bit of trouble, but it was all in good fun. He was definitely that friends I'd know and have forever. He came and went a lot but man, seeing him was exactly what I needed right now.

He took a drag of what I thought was a cigarette and breathed it out, he saw me looking at it. I then realised it was a joint. I smiled in memory. 'Want some?' he offered.

I shrugged, couldn't really give a shit, usually I wouldn't, merely for Rhiannon, she hates this kind of 'stuff'. I took it off him and took a burn, breathing it lung deep, I smiled at the rush of memories it gave me as it warmed my throat. I went to hand it back to him and he shook his head.

'Keep it, looks like you need it' he said punching me on the arm. I definitely did. I nodded at him in appreciation.

We sat down and drank for a while, heavily. We reminisced about our rebellious times. Everything was made a thousand times funnier by the dull haze the drugs gave me. It felt like I hadn't laughed in years. Jamie was always so good at making me laugh in the kind of say you think your ribs are literally going to break.

'Remember that time we went tagging with Jordan and his new little buds?' Jamie asked me, laughing. He set me off laughing again at the memory, my face literally hurt. This is why I loved Jamie, though sometimes when we were together we dabbled in some bad shit, he always knew how to make me feel better, not once had he pried on what was wrong with me, he could tell I didn't want to talk about it, and he just sat there, helping me cheer up.

I took a swig of beer and laughed slightly. 'That was such a good day, when we got caughg and had to hide behind them bins... good times' I said smiling. I shivered a little in my T-shirt and stood up.

'I'm gunna head inside, coming?' I asked.

'Na, I'm good. I think I'll stay out here for a while...' I looked into his glazed eyes and laughed... too high to move... Typical.

I picked up my beer and headed toward the door in patrol of some easy sluts, I definitely didn't feel better, but I felt number, to say the least.