Beast Bride

Nothing Else Matters Part 3

"Hey you," Andrian said softly from behind me, "Are you really alright?"

I nodded my head, knowing he would still be able to see my movements in the darkened room. I was surprised by how alright I was, actually. I'd always associated sexual contact with pain and fear, and I'd never even touched myself before, let alone someone else.

But it wasn't just anyone that I had touched. It was the person who loved me, who made me feel secure, who I knew would stop if I told him to. More than anything, I had wanted to show him how much he meant to me, how much his words and actions had already healed me.

Only one moon cycle previous, I had thought my life would be nothing but a constant cycle of abuse and fear that would only end with my death. I'd always told myself that maybe I could escape someday, but I'd never believed it was actually possible. And now, not only did I have hope for the future, but I also had someone who wanted to share that future with me.

"I was so afraid you'd hate me or that you'd reject me once you knew the truth," he confessed to me. "You don't know how grateful I am that you're willing to accept me. I've loved you for so long that I can't imagine ever loving anyone else."

Tears came unbidden to my eyes at his words. I was the one who should be thanking him, not the other way around. Maybe I was ignorant of the ways of the world, but I couldn't understand why he thought I'd be mad at him or hate him.

I understood that the bonding he spoke of was supposed to be mutually agreed to, but he was just a child that didn't know any better, and I wasn't a beastman anyways. Perhaps if I were, then I might feel upset, but as it was, I just wished I could bond to him as well.

As if reading my mind, he spoke on a similar train of thought, "I wish there was a way to make the bond mutual, but it still makes me happy to know that you're marked as mine."

It made me happy too. I liked that he'd claimed me.

"Hey, do you want to detour south on our way back?" he suddenly asked me, "Dad would love to see you again. He helped a lot in getting me here."

At his suggestion, I felt the corners of my mouth lift up and I nodded.

"You know, it took me a while to finally tell Dad what happened, after you stopped coming. I was afraid he'd be mad at me, so I kept it to myself at first. He wasn't though. Once he knew, he did his best to help me, but after what happened to your mom, it was impossible for him to do anything that involved the humans. Things were pretty scary back then, actually. We eventually had to leave the cabin for our own safety. As the years passed and the bodies piled up, it became more and more dangerous to go near the borderland."

I knew the basics of how the war started, but I'd heard very few details about the years leading up to it. It made me sad to think that Andrian and his father had been forced to leave their home. I hated how lonely Andrian had felt while he was living there, but they didn't deserve to be driven out like that.

"It started with the vigilantes. At first they only guarded the human side of the borderland, but then they started guarding from inside the borderland, and eventually right at the edge of our territory. It took nearly a year for them to get that far, but that's when things got worse. More women on your side were dying and the vigilantes' form of retaliation was crossing the border to look for fights. They had already killed some of the other rangers by the time we left. Soon after, they started raiding villages, burning buildings, killing the cubs as easily as they killed the adults. Eventually, the vigilantes were replaced by soldiers, who had far more efficient and brutal methods of attack."

Andrian paused for a moment. I could feel his breath on my neck as he squeezed me tightly for a moment. It was almost too tight and I struggled to take a full breath. He buried his face in the back of my neck for a moment, and inhaled deeply. Satisfied, he loosened his embrace and began to speak again.

"I was sixteen when the war officially started. By then, we'd already figured out that the humans weren't going to leave us alone and our defensive line was ready. See, the Beastlands are incredibly vast. A lot bigger than the humans think. Some of our villages are the size of your capital, and the trading cities take three full days to cross on foot. The cat tribes alone have a higher population than your entire nation. If we had wanted, we could have crushed the invading forces through sheer numbers. But we didn't. We didn't want a war with the humans, and the monsters were still the bigger concern. So we evacuated the western villages and held the line, thinking that the humans would eventually give up."

I'd known the beastmen outnumbered the humans, but not by such an overwhelming amount. It was almost laughable that the humans thought they could defeat them. While we were draining our nation dry, the beastmen had an ocean of soldiers in reserve.

"In the second year of the war, I turned eighteen, joined the army, and was sent to the eastern front to reinforce the guard on the wildlands. All the cat tribe soldiers were being sent there, and the wolves, who had no connection to humans, were the ones who fought in the west. Coraggio is an exception, but most of the wolves are pretty hostile toward humans. Can't say I blame them, I guess. Anyway, I spent the next three years in the east. I was pretty good at fighting and I got along well with my superiors, so much so that when the general above me retired, I got promoted to his position. After that, it was only a few more moon cycles before the peace talk began."

Hearing about Andrian's accomplishments, I felt a little inferior, having done nothing but waste away in my father's home. But I also felt strangely proud of the little cub who had grown up so well.

"I realized the peace talks were my long awaited chance to come find you. I started telling people my story about the human friend I'd bonded to and lost, and I begged my way into the delegation that was heading to your capital. I'd earned my place in battle was how they justified it, but I know they let me come out of pity. At first, everyone thought I was delusional, that I'd imagined you or something, but Dad stepped in and convinced them that you were real. Even then, there were still people who said I shouldn't go, that you ran away out of fear, and that I was unhinged. If I hadn't had Dad to speak for me, I never would have made it here."

My heart ached as he talked about his father. Andrian's father had been more of a parent to me than my own father had ever been. I was glad to know that he'd been there to support Andrian through the years. I looked forward to seeing him again.

"The humans in the capital are saying the Beastlands have been occupying the eastern villages and tormenting the residents, but the reality is that we've been providing them with relief. We figured the best way to achieve peace was to show the humans that we were stronger than they thought, so we pushed their lines back, past the borderland and into eastern Vrayna. Once the war had been pushed to your side of the border, suddenly the nobles were far more receptive to the idea of peace. As for the humans in the areas we occupied, they were so starving and desperate that they didn't care who we were as long as we had food. They hailed us as liberators, despite being the invading army."

"The rest you mostly know," he added, "The eastern villages were under our control and I was given time to search for you. I visited Rovette first, but no one would tell me anything. I really didn't expect to find you in the Palace... and it breaks my heart to know how much you've had to suffer through. If only I'd found you sooner..."

I grabbed the arms wrapped around me and squeezed them. He had to know that there was no way he could have found me sooner. My father had made sure of that. I hated that he was blaming himself when there was nothing he could have done.

"I hope that someday," he continued, "maybe I'll get to hear your voice again... but it's okay if I don't. As long as you're here with me, nothing else matters."