Beast Bride

Nothing Else Matters Part 1

"I'm not sure where to start," Andrian told me, running a hand through his thick mane. He was clearly nervous about whatever he was about to tell me.

We had walked to our room in silence. The only words Andrian had spoken before now were to thank the servant who'd guided us.

Not knowing what else to do, I sat on the edge of the bed and watched him with a dispassionate gaze. I didn't dare expect anything from him, but I needed to know what he was hiding from me. Everyone else seemed to already know. The only person in the dark was me, and I hated it.

But no matter what he was about to say to me, I was willing to accept it. He'd done so much for me, so the least I could do was respect his feelings.

"I guess the first thing would be... do you know what bonding is?" he asked me hesitantly.

I shook my head that I didn't.

"Beastmen, we aren't like humans. We look similar to you and we eat, sleep and breathe the way you do, but at our cores we are different. We evolved from animals into a human-like form, but we were still animals first," Andrian explained to me, "The others told you before that we find our mates based on scent... I'm not sure how to explain it, but there's a scent that everyone gives off, humans included. Your noses can't smell it, but ours can."

So far I understood what he was saying, but I absolutely couldn't relate.

Andrian thought for a moment before saying, "Point being, we can identify potential mates through smell. It's not a guaranteed true love kind of thing, more like a nudge in the right direction. Other than the scent thing, bonding is another way that we're a little different. Bonding is... kind of like claiming another person as your own. It marks them as yours on a more spiritual level. It's not outwardly obvious, but once bonded, your scent won't attract anyone but your mate. There's also an emotional aspect to the bond, an enhanced connection of sorts. It's also permanent."

I was beginning to feel impatient as he explained all this to me. I had the feeling that he was over-explaining to stall for time.

"Anyways," Andrian continued on, "I don't think Dad ever told you this, but my mom died when I was only a couple years old. My parents weren't mates, just two people who had a little too much fun one night, so they lived separately. My dad wasn't around much in my early years because of his job, but when my mom passed, he came to collect me and brought me to his cabin on the western border. He was a ranger and his job was to monitor monster activity near the borderland."

Ah, so that was why they had lived so far out. I'd never thought to question their existence in that isolated cabin. It had seemed like a warm and happy home, and that was all I'd concerned myself with.

"Dad loved me and took good care of me, but it was incredibly lonely out there. Sometimes, when Dad had to go off into the forest for a while, I thought I might go crazy from the lack of companionship. Then one day, you appeared in the forest, crying and lost on the wrong side of the borderland. You became my first friend and saved me from my loneliness." Andrian's eyes showed the first signs of tears welling up, but he seemed to be fighting them back.

I'd had no idea. His father had never mentioned it and Andrian couldn't have told me himself. Back then, he didn't have a human form to speak with. My complete empathy for his situation tugged at my heart. I knew better than anyone what it was like to keep everything inside because you had no way to express it. I also knew what it was like to be isolated and lonely.

"When I was younger, I thought you were like a brother to me. A gift sent to me by the spirits to help me endure. But as I grew older, the feelings I had for you began to change. I realized..." Andrian trailed off and abruptly turned to face the wall, avoiding my gaze as he continued to speak, "I realized that you weren't a brother to me anymore... you were someone I wanted as my mate. You smelled like the person I was meant to be with. I know we were only kids, and I know you didn't feel the same, but I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. During your last visit, I bonded to you... you became my one, the only person I will ever long for in this world. But it was a bond created by the ignorance of a child, and it was something you never agreed to. I claimed you as mine and then you disappeared."

My heart was throbbing in my chest. I didn't dare to believe my own ears. Could it really be true? Did he really want to keep me?

"I didn't want you to feel pressured. That's one of the reasons why I didn't tell you until now. I know humans only mate as male and female, and that you only ever saw me as a cub. I couldn't appear in your life again after all this time and burden you with that, especially not after everything you've already been through. Also..."

He paused for a moment before blurting out, "The bond might have affected how you see me and it's possible that you only agreed to come with me because of the bond's influence and not your own will. I knew that and chose not to tell you."

Andrian sat down on the bed next to me and took my hand, still not daring to look me in the eye. His hand trembled as he said, "Falyn, since before I was old enough to understand what it meant to have a mate, you've been the only one for me. Waiting and wondering all these years nearly drove me mad. I was so scared that you didn't want to see me again, that you knew what I'd done and hated me for it. I was afraid you might have been killed in the war, or that I'd see you among the invaders."

Even though I knew it wasn't my fault, I felt a pang of guilt as he spoke. I didn't like knowing that he had suffered because of me. If only I could have found a way to escape that night.

"I'm so sorry," he said with his eyes downcast, "You were just happy to see an old friend and needed help getting out of a bad situation. I took advantage of that. I've been trying so hard to make you feel the way I do... but at the same time, I'm terrified that you'll only feel that way because of the bond that I forced on you. So all I can do now is hope that you find it in your heart to forgive me, despite what a selfish, awful person I am."

I didn't understand why he thought he was selfish and awful.

When I'd given up hope and completely forgotten about him, Andrian had been thinking about how to find me.

He wasn't joining with me because I was his childhood friend that he pitied, but because he considered me his mate. How could I ever hate him for that?

I didn't come with him because of some bond that I didn't even know existed; I was with him because I wanted to be. Because he made my heart race. Because he made me feel safe. Because he made me want to try.

If anything, I was grateful if the bond had influenced me. That sense of safety and contentment I felt around him was what made it possible for me to trust him. I couldn't see it as anything but a good thing.

Tears of relief ran down my cheeks as I realized that I could keep him.

Finally looking at me, Andrian's eyes widened at the sight of my tears. "No, no, don't cry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!"

I reached over and touched his cheek, gently stroking his face. I gazed up at him, willing him to understand my feelings. Slowly, his face relaxed and he looked deep into my eyes.

"You don't hate me?" he asked cautiously.

Not knowing how else to reassure him, I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him ardently.

Letting out a shaky breath, Andrian leaned his head on my shoulder and whispered, "I love you. I've loved you since we were little. You are my mate, my bonded one, and I want to spend every moment for the rest of my life by your side. It's all out of order, but–" he moved off the bed and knelt before me. "Falyn, will you consent to being mine? Will you spend your life with me?"

Tears welled up in my eyes again. All of the emptiness, loneliness, and fear inside me disappeared with his words.

Even if we were doing things in the wrong order, I had no doubt wanted to spend my life with him.

I barely got a chance to nod before he pounced on me, pressing our lips together.

"You can't take it back later," he warned me, "Now that you've agreed to it, you're mine. I'll chase you to the ends of the continent and across the sea if I have to. There's nowhere you can go that I won't follow. My Falyn, my mate, all mine."

As he spoke, he rained kisses all over my face, making me giggle and squirm in his arms.