Fix Me

Chapter 11.

"Wait -" I had been so dazed by him being beside me, talking to me, I hadn't realised he was taking my book, the one I would never let anyone touch or see because it was incredibly personal and embarrassing. I snatched the book from him. "Y-you can't see it," I said quickly.

"O... Kay..." He said slowly. " Well..." He drifted. I watched his hand lift and move in front of my face, "Can I see your face then?" He pushed my hood off slowly as if waiting for my objection.

I stayed quiet until it fell onto my back. I looked at him to see him staring at me intently, his face a little surprised.

"Oh my God, it's the pyramids... How?" I mumbled faking shock. He laughed and I smiled. I was wearing makeup so my face probably looked clear, well, hopefully. He didn't give a shocked reaction, so that was good.

"You look... You're really beautiful, Hannah." He said. My smile fell as I looked down letting my hair fall over my face as the bell rang.

"Uhm - class -" I attempted to get up but he grabbed my wrist, I cringed pulling it from his hand. I grabbed my bag ignoring the renewed pain on my wrist.

"Hannah, I'm sorry - I'm sorry I said that or touched you - please - wait, stay -" I ignored him and sped-walked down the hall.

I cursed the fact that I had to go to English every day because now we were heading to the same class.

Alright, calm down, Hannah, he sits in the opposite corner, remember?

I froze as I stepped into English and Mr Creed's eyes lifted from the work on his desk. Is it too late to skip class... and develop the guts to skip class?

"You can't run away now." He smirked standing up. His smirk fell. "Hannah, talk to me." He said seriously, his eyes shifting to my wrist.

I opened my mouth but I stopped as I heard a gasp behind me and I realised my hood was still off, I quickly pulled it on and rushed over to my seat.

I was mad that they had seen my face, I don't know why, but I was also relieved they were early. When Mrs Henley was still at the school, people usually only came to class seconds before the late bell rang, with Mr Creed people rushed to class... because they liked him... and I don't mean favourite teacher like. Which was downright creepy. I mean, he looked fine and he was young but it was gross. He was Mr Creed. Ew.

I looked down as they spoke about me, not even bothering to whisper this time while the class filled up. Despite the noise of commotion, I could hear their conversation.

"Jenna, come on. There's no way Damien seriously went out with her, unless he was messing around." I tried to ignore them because I knew all listening would do is make me feel like crap... more crap then I already felt like.

"Yeah, she's so ugly, Damien can do waaaay better and he knows that. Did you see her..." I bit my lip and decided to concentrate on lyrics so I could drown their talking out but the thought made me freeze.

No. I leaned over quickly and looked through my bag. Oh no.

My heart was pounding hard in my chest. I must have dropped my notebook while trying to get away from Damien. He couldn't read that! I felt panic in my chest making it hard to breathe. It literally had my life in it and he would probably laugh at it and show it to everyone. I didn't need people to know more than they knew. I didn't need anyone looking at me as less than they already did. I didn't need to be ridiculed any more than I already was. I felt tears in my eyes that I knew I wouldn't be able to hold back.

"Hannah?" Mr Creed called, "Hannah, are you alright?" He was in front of me.

I looked up. Everyone was watching us. How had he known I wasn't? He couldn't see my face and he couldn't hear my breathing - which, currently, was too hard to keep doing so I just held it. I glanced across the classroom, Damien wasn't there. I felt my heart clench. Wait, Mr Creed had asked me a question. I nodded in response. He gave me a frown that told me not to lie to him. I shook my head.

"You're excused." He said.

I was surprised. No explanation? Oh well. I grabbed my bag and practically ran from class. I entered the hall and let out the breath I had been holding in a desperate cough-sob like thing.

Was he skipping just to read the book? I had told him not to! Why wouldn't he listen? Maybe he won't show anyone, maybe he'll keep quiet. Yeah, right.

I was panicking so much I couldn't even cry properly, much less breathe. What was wrong with me? I needed to calm down before I fainted.

"Hannah?" I stumbled back hearing Rick in front of me. Well, Fuck. "Hannah -" he began but I turned around and ran, which was hard considering that I still felt the effects of that morning.

I ran to the bathroom and into a stall. The nurse wasn't an option because my tears had messed up my makeup. I locked myself in a stall and sat on the floor letting my tears fall, I couldn't hold them back anyway.

Why was I so scared? I should have just told him to give it back. I shouldn't have run. Why was I crying? Why was I being so weak? Why was I always so weak? I shut my eyes trying to control my breathing as I leaned my head back against the wall. Even if he showed it to everyone, I could take it, right? I could just ignore them.

No, I couldn't. I knew that. It was becoming too much, I was so tired... of everything.

I sighed digging into my bag and pulling out the only sharp thing I found: my scissors. I didn't have a screwdriver for the sharpener.

I had never done this at school, but there first time for everything. I needed the relief...

*****

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