King of the Woods, or Trivial Pursuit

Part 36 - Clot

Ray held up his hand. "Just to clarify, she's talking about the ritual."

"Nonsense," Audubon said. "You two spilled more than seed on the earth, didn't you."

Ray scrunched up his nose. "Spilled seed? Gross! Can't we call it making lo— having sex?" The blood loss and constant humiliation were beginning to wear on him. I'd love to meet your scary friends in the woods, Trivia. They can try to kill me, I'll be a good sport about it, then we can talk about our sex life with your psycho ex-girlfriend. What fun!

Audubon scoffed. "Love, right—"

Trivia tapped her lips thoughtfully. "Who said I spilled any?" And just like that, Ray forgave everything.

Audubon squawked and began dry-heaving.

"You got something in your gular pouch?" Ray said, grinning.

"Easy," Trivia rubbed Audubon's back. "You're okay. Just try and swallow."

Ray smothered his laughter with his hand. If I die today, the look on Audubon's face right now makes it all worthwhile.

Audubon slapped Trivia's hand away. "I meant blood! Ray bled on the earth, didn't he?"

"Oh, sure," Ray said. "I got scraped up while we ran around in the woods, I got a splinter in an uncomfortable place, and I hurt myself playing with the tip of Trivia's spear."

Audubon raised her eyebrow.

"That's not a euphemism. Also, I cut my hand while I was burying—" Ray said.

Trivia shook her head sharply.

"—a hole." Ray said.

"Sympathy," Audubon said. " A wounded man for a wounded land. The Green has spoken."

"Aye," Roosevelt said.

Hesitating a moment, Wilson nodded.

"You can't know that," Trivia said.

"Wait, the Green healed me? And Roosevelt?" Ray said to Audubon.

"You healed each other," Audubon said. Turning to Trivia, she added, "You said yourself, he loves the Green more than any man you've ever known. And he just happens to wander into the deep forest in our time of need? It's a sign."

"Are you a soothsayer now?" Trivia said. "Shall I open your liver for a second opinion? I'd trust your entrails more than your tongue!"

"I lie when I please," Audubon said, "but you only get this angry when I tell the truth."

Trivia jabbed her finger at Audubon. "You do not read omens."

"I read faces," Audubon said. "And even Ray can read yours. He'll be King of the Woods."

"That isn't true," Trivia said, with a dwindling voice.

"I don't mind," Ray said. "If I have this connection with the Green, I can be King of the Woods. It'd just be until you find someone better suited."

Trivia shook her head.

"Why, that's Trivia's specialty," Audubon said. "Succession."

"Like, human resources?" Ray said.

Audubon smiled. "Exactly! It's what Trivia was born to do."

"Yes," Trivia said. "My role. Not yours. And I say Ray cannot be King. He's innocent."

"I know you don't think much of me..." Ray said.

"I love you," Trivia said, in a tone of voice people normally reserve for threatening to beat someone with a stick.

Ray said, in a tone of voice people normally reserve for apologizing for walking into the wrong restroom, "I love you too." His face burned like the morning sky.

Wilson smiled beneath his scarf. Audubon pointed her index talon at the back of her throat. Roosevelt had acquired a compact mirror, presumably from Audubon, and stood a few long steps away, checking himself out.

Trivia smiled sweetly but wearily. "I know."

"So let me help," Ray said. "You don't think I'd be a worse King than Frazer, do you?"

"You would die," Trivia said.

"Not if we helped him," Audubon said.

"I'm not afraid of Frazer," Ray said. "I know you care about me. I want you to believe in me."

"Audubon doesn't believe in you," Trivia said. "She wants to use you. Even if you could become King, it would destroy you."

Audubon yawned.

"You don't think I can do it," Ray said.

"Have you heard nothing I've said?" Trivia said. "Do you want to grow old and sick and mad and bring the land down with you? To build your own cancer and your own flame?"

"I'm nothing like Frazer," Ray said.

"Do you imagine Frazer always was?" Trivia said.

"I'm nothing like him." Ray said. "I'm not saying I'd know what the hell to do. I'm sure any one of you could do a better job, but you said yourself the King must be a man, and there's no one else around that can do it. So, I'll do it."

"Do you know why the King of the Woods must be a man?" Trivia said.

"Come on, don't spoil it," Audubon said.

Wilson mumbled to himself; he was counting, and the number was in the tens of millions.

"Tell me," Ray said.

"Because men die," Trivia said. "You don't come back. When you grow weak, you die, and the Woods get a new King. That's what the Woods need, and that's what it costs, over and over again. I won't let my dream be thrown away!"

"I'm not a dream!" Ray said. "I'm a man, and maybe I'm stronger than you think."

"This isn't right," Trivia said. "The Ray I know is beautiful, and gentle, and kind. When have you ever cared about being strong?"

Ray threw up his hands. "Since I met you! Fuck!" He stormed off towards Roosevelt.

Audubon made antlers of her hands and did a skipping satyr-dance, cackling merrily. Her antics caused Ray to look over his shoulder as he left.

Trivia extended one arm towards Audubon and drew the other back.

Audubon balanced on one leg. "Seriously?"

Trivia nodded. Wood creaked, and sinew stretched taut.

Audubon removed her antlers. "You're no fun."