Spencer's Girl (GxG; #Wattys2018)

Chapter 6

~Spencer~

I stand there on her brother's porch, only one car is in the driveway, and it's not hers. Hopefully she is here, and they didn't just take his car to go somewhere. I really need to talk to her.

I wipe my hands on my jeans, all sweaty and clammy from being held in tight fists. I was sitting outside her house for the last half hour. It felt agonizing to wait. Just do it already.

I knock on the door. It only takes a
minute for her to open the door. She takes one look at me before she tried to slam the door. I put my foot between the door frame and the door to block it from shutting.

"Baby, listen please, just for one minute." I beg.

"No!" She yells, near tears. "I don't want to see you!" She cries.

I sigh. "Please I just need to give you something. I want you to read it but you don't have to. I just wanted to give it to you." I say, handing her a letter, she opens the door slightly, I hand her the letter and remove my fort from between the door and the frame. She slams the door in my face.

"AUGH!" I frustratingly scream and kick the garbage can, walking to my car.

~Ridley~

I open the letter, taking a deep breath. I looked at the words but I didn't read them. I just looked at it, blankly. It looked way longer than a letter.

"Stormy days. That's what it's been for the last couple days, even before you left. Even then the rain the sky lets go is another tear I let loose. And even after the rain when the rainbow comes, it couldn't compare to you. For you are a flower, the brightest kind there could be. But if it wasn't for me then you would never have wilted.

Our love... Yes, our love was toxic but it was our love and I wouldn't change that for the world. The more toxic that it became of our love, the more that I needed to breath you in. I needed your breath and your life and that's when you pushed me away but it never stopped me. We wanted things our way and then it just crashed. Boom. Our perfect world became the enemy and our love began to wilt like I had made you do. Such toxic love for a delicate flower that should be cared for.

Don't even try to tell me I'm wrong, or that I didn't love you with all my heart because I did. I loved you more than you could ever begin to think. More than I could care to explain with words. I love you more than Matt loves music or Chris loves food. Quentin was just a fluke. He was an accident that I took in and needed when you couldn't be there. I never intended to hurt you. And if you think I did then never like that. I love you too much to hurt you like that and I did. That's what makes me stupid.

I broke our toxic love. Our love was toxic but it was ours. And I love you.

And I can change, I need you."

I read it aloud, stopping after the last 'I love you' because I couldn't take it. I put it down. I'll read the rest later. I put it the counter and go up to my room. I pace back and forth for a while. The way I did that reminded me of that part of White Horse. The only good Taylor Swift song she ever made about an ex besides the song, 15 and a few others. I finally get the meaning. It's been there forever but I never took the time to understand it.

"Say you're sorry that face of an angel comes out just when you need it to. As I paced back and forth on this town cause I honestly believed in you."

That meant, 'Yes, you can say you're sorry, but sometimes I won't be there to say it's okay. And as I wait around to think of an alright reason to make it seem okay for why you did what you did, then when I realized I believed you, my conscience said it was dumb, so I'm gonna try to move on now.'

It totally explained my feelings toward Spencer right now.

But I can't move on, that's the only problem.