Red String

chapter eleven.

"I want you too, but you're not exactly sober right now."

"I'm sober. And I know what I want. I've wanted you for a very long time," I said.

He kissed me again, and I felt the fire inside me grow stronger.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm sure."

He lift my legs up and almost glued me to the tiles of shower. My arms were around his neck.His hands were on my hips and then around my bikini area, I was speechless. 

I felt like I was in heaven when I felt his tongue in my mouth and on my neck.

I could feel that he was hard. Very hard. 

"I am gonna go in slowly, okay?" he said. 

"Okay."

And then here it is, he put it in me. I moaned. 

Then went a bit deeper. 

Then a bit more. 

A  bit more. 

"You are very big, baby." I said and I pulled his hair. 

"I know." he said and went more deep. Then he did slow, fast,slow and fast. Till I screamed and cummed. 

We came at the same time. 

"It was amazing." I said. 

He put me down. 

"I will show you something more amazing." he said and went down on me. 

Yes.He went down on me. He knew how to use his tongue. 

Son of a bitch. 

He stopped after a while and gently turned me around. I placed my hand on the glass of the shower, the cool surface contrasting with the heat coursing through me.

He slapped my ass. 

"I always wanted to do this position with you baby."

And he put it in again,it felt much deeper, much enjoyable, in few minutes I was done again. 

He was too. We giggled and washed each other.I gave him my extra bathrobe and we went to my room. 

"Sit." he said. 

"Why?" I asked.

"Sit and give me your hair brush."

"Okay?" I said and handed my hairbrush to him.

"Sit." He said again. 

I sit and he started to brush my hair. 

I felt like something was going better in me. 

"Where are your pyjamas?"

"It is in the drawer in your right, in last row." I said. 

And I tried not to cry while he was dressing me up.

Afterward, I lay on the bed.

"Why did you come today?" I asked.

"I couldn't just ignore it. You sounded bad."

"I know. I did. I was."

"Why?"

"Because sometimes, some things are hard to deal with. I messed everything up. I have no motivation. I got my heart broken again at a time when I wasn't expecting anything. It broke me—again. I promised myself I wouldn't let this happen again, but I did, and now all I can do is cry about it. I'm not even talking about the people I hurt, too. When am I going to learn?"

"You're being too hard on yourself. Chill. You should just have fun, go casual, and it'll be okay. Also, I don't think you broke anyone's heart on purpose."

"That is the problem, I can not. I do not want to get attached to anyone. I do not want to get used. I do not want to get lusted."

I hated the fact that he was punishing me with his kindness sometimes, why could not he just leave me to rot and fucking die?

"Sarah, it's okay. Trust me, it's okay."

"Yeah, it's okay because you fuck someone else every night. It's okay because you're not the one who left everything behind. It's okay because, in two weeks, you'll have another girl, and you'll forget about me again. It's okay because you don't know what it's like to lose parts of yourself. It's okay because the people you loved more than yourself didn't betray you while they were lying next to you, skin to skin. It's okay because you've never been rejected and humiliated for refusing to give a guy head."

"You matter to me, somehow. That's why I'm here. For you."

"Then go. I don't want to get hurt again."

"You know I won't hurt you," he said and kissed me on the forehead.

I broke down, trembling in his arms, and cried for the rest of the night while he held me.