Red String

chapter eleven.

3 months later

"I miss you," I said, my voice trembling.

"Why do you only call me when you're drunk?"

"Because I don't know any other way."

"You're ruining your life."

"I know, Jonathan, I know. But I miss you. And I need you."

"It will be okay. Go to sleep."

"Can you come over?"

"No."

"Please?" I burst into tears again.

He ended the call.

I opened another pack of cigarettes.

An hour and a half later, I heard the doorbell ring.

Was it really him? Or was it the alcohol?

I opened the door.

It was him.

There he was, looking at me with an expression I couldn't read. Was it hate? Pity? Love?

I didn't know.

"You don't look good," he said.

"I know," I replied.

He came in without a word and hugged me. I inhaled as I felt his body close to mine. He was still full of kindness, even though he never admitted it.

"How much did you drink? Or smoke?"

"I don't remember."

"Take a shower. I'll wait."

"I don't—"

"Don't argue. You need to get clean. You smell like cigarettes," he said.

He was right.

"I said I don't—"

Before I could finish, he lifted me up.

"Jonathan, let me go! I'll fall."

"Baby, there's no way you're going to fall. I can lift anything. Now, tell me, where's the bathroom?"

"On the right," I said.

We entered the bathroom. It felt like a dream.

"Turn around," I said.

He rolled his eyes, and I got undressed before stepping into the shower. The frosted glass obscured me, and for that, I was grateful.

I stood under the water, letting it cascade over me. I didn't want to move. I just wanted to stay there.

Then the door opened.

"Hi, babe."

"Jon—"

"Relax. We're not going to do anything. I'm just going to help you get clean, okay?"

"Okay."

I inhaled sharply as he began to wash me.

Something inside me felt like it was healing.

I felt alive as he washed my hair.

I looked into his eyes—those blue eyes that reminded me of peace and everything I'd ever searched for.

And I realized that life was worth living again when I kissed him.

He kissed me back.

I wanted him.

With every part of me, I wanted him. With every cell in my body, I desired him.

"I want you," I said.