Indebted (Naruto/Akatsuki Fanfic)

Chapter Ten - Melodic

Konnichiwa!

Welcome to chapter ten of 'Indebted'. Yes, the wait was ridiculously long and stupid. Sorry? xD Here it is now, though. I hope you enjoy it.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything.
WARNINGS: Nothing, really.

This is what a letter looks like :o 

--

To my family-

I thought I wouldn't have to force the words out.

I thought they would come easily, and I'd be able to tell you all about my adventures so far. But I can't. I can't tell you what I've had to do. It's not even been three months and I can't even write it out. Because then you'd be just as ashamed of me as I am. You already know part of my actions, and I'm sure you all hate me already.

I welcome that with open arms. I deserve it. I hate myself so much, more than I ever thought was possible. I hate myself for it. I hate myself for everything I am, hate myself for bending to fate's will, for even being born. That reflects my greatest fault, my inability to stand by myself.

I am sorry. So endlessly regretful, and if I could get past that fatal flaw of mine I'd be dead by seppuku already. I can't think about it without wanting to die. I don't think I ever will, not even a little bit, despite what Kisame-sama says.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't deserve life. Please don't forgive me. Tell the village of how I abandoned Taki of my own free will to join the Akatsuki. Tell them I enjoyed stabbing Nao, that I loved the way the blood felt like it was boiling on my skin and that it soaked in and stained my hands. If you convince them, make me out to be a monster who wanted nothing but to kill and have them think I am as low as Kakuzu-sama, then I'll be happy. I need them to hate me. It will feel better knowing I can't come back if I also know they don't want me to.

Amaya.

--

   We make it back to base about three days before we were due back. I don't feel satisfied about this in the slightest, because that meant it was that much sooner I'd have to be back and be around others. I didn't mind being around Itachi-sama, because he didn't acknowledge my presence. That was a bit comforting, knowing that he didn't care about me in the slightest. What else did I deserve or expect?

   When we get back we go directly to Leader-sama's office. My feet feel like they're going to fall off, my hands are callused and my katana has dried blood caked onto the handle. We ran into a few groups of bandits on our way back. I knock twice on the door to his office and after a few moments, the door swings open. Tobi exits, and upon seeing me he tackles me. I manage to keep my balance as he clings to me like a child.

   "AMAYA-CHAN! TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

   I look down at him, raising my eyebrow. "Hello," I reply evenly. "Please let go now."

   He frowns, pouting at me. "Amaya-chan..." he sniffles, "Is Tobi a bad boy?"

   "He will be if he doesn't let go now," I reply, narrowing my eyes upon seeing the almost calculating way Tobi's eye glinted in his mask. It was, as far as I could tell, onyx. And that specific shade of the color reminded me of something, something that I couldn't quite fucking place. I tense a little at the thought that occurs to me next- maybe Tobi wasn't so innocent. More deceptive.

   Tobi lets go, looking more than a little bit suspicious. I turn and enter Leader-sama's office after Itachi, taking a seat next to him. Leader-sama seems a bit tense, leaning forward with his elbows on the desk and a distinctly annoyed look on his face. The door shuts with a flick of his wrist.