His arms press tightly around me with one hand in my breast and the other wrapped around my waist. He holds me still for a moment feeling my heart pounding against his palm. His warm breath spread across my neck as he breathed soft words into my ear. His lips brush against my neck. After some time he releases me. His rough hands are under my shirt sliding on my skin pulling it upwards. He pulls it over my head bringing my hair and arms with it. I press one palm against his cheek as he leaned forward caressing my shoulder with his lips. His hands wrap themselves around my waistline. He squeezes me lightly, feeling the girdle of muscles in my core and expiring the dramatic curve of my rib cage and hips. He slides one calluses hand down the front of my jeans cupping my pelvic mound comfortably. I slide my small hands along his corded forearm. Imagining in the darkness where each of his tattoos begins and ends.
"I missed your body." his deep voice breathes.
"Why? Is it special?
His hand leaves my waist. With a curved forefinger his lifts my chin high, exposing my throat. His cheek presses against mine.
"Your feeling mean. Is that what you need tonight Dani? You want me on my knees? Should I beg tonight?"
He said it and meant it but I could hear the bitterness in him from the jab I'd given him. It was uncalled for. Maybe he was right, I am feeling mean. I did want him to beg and pretend to be sorry for all the other women he's been with while he wasn't with me. But I didn't think I could stomach pretty lies tonight. I had thought I wanted to be fucked raw. But now that his hands and scent were all around me, I realize it's not even just his cock that I want. Tears are welling up in my eyes again and fuck I can't keep them back. Fucking nose is getting stuffy. I try to hold back a sniff as everything pressed Down on me, Demanding to be let out. I should tell him to leave. Maybe if I turn and drop down in front of him fast enough, get his cock out of those jeans, I can cover my face with it. He'll never notice.
A hand stokes my wet cheek. Fuck.
"Come here". He says softly. Forest slides his hand out from my pants and turns me to face him and I hang my head pressing my forehead against his firm chest. One arm wraps around my back and the other cradles my head.
"I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be mean." I sniff.
"Shhh, it's ok. It was me, I shouldn't have said that."
The tears are soaking his chest hair now so I pull back trying desperately to keep them to myself.
"Fuck. I'm a mess. You should go."
He releases me. I am a little sad to think of him leaving. I sometimes wish he was a little more pushy.
I am surprised to feel both his hands gently cupping my jawline. I am always surprised at how gentle those hard hands can be. He forced my face up.
"Look at me Dani."
I force myself to meet his gaze. It's hard to stop my eyes from darting away, I keep trying to look sideways.
"Can you look at me? I can see your crying. You can cry in front of me."
I scoff and turn away.
"No"
"I see you in every way. All the time. Bleeding, screaming, covered in mud and blood, squatting down for a piss, reeking of the sour body odor that smells like despair and fear and filth. All of it. Dani, why are you so ashamed to cry in front of me?"
I shake my head and stare determinedly away from the piercing of his eyes.
"I cry." He said. "I cried a lot this week. Vanye is gone. That hurts. We lost three more on the line during this rotation. All kids really, the first rotation is the most dangerous. You're in pain. I hate that. I was afraid for you. I was sorry to be away while you were alone and afraid. Sorry again that I Wasn't with you when you needed someone, that you had to do everything alone, again."
"Three?" I looked up at him, realizing I Hadn't even asked how his last rotation was. Didn't ask even once how he was.
"Ya, none of our troop." He said. I cried Dani, it's ok to be human."
He rubbed his thumbs on either side of my face moving the tears from my cheeks.
"Come here."
He placed both hands around my bottom, lifting me up and closed the rest of the distance to my bed. I leaned down to meet his lips with mine. He laid me down and climbed on, over top of me.
"I know what you need."
