Secret Desire (Nyssara FanFic)

Without Her

"You miss her, don't you?"

"Badly." Sara paused for a moment, gatherig the courage to ask what she was going say next. "Is she really gone? Will she ever come back?"

Nate felt bad for her. He can tell how much Sara misses Nyssa, and how broken she is that she's the very reason why the one she loves isn't with her now.

"I don't know. Whatever happened, whatever you two talked about and decided on was between the two of you."

"She didn't say anything before she left?"

"No, she didn't. I didn't even really get a chance to talk to her before she left."

"Do you still train with them?"

"Yes."

"You don't hear anything from them?"

"They're not much of a talker. When I go there, it's mostly about training. When they talk about missions or whatever, I still ain't included."

"I see. What are you doing here, then? Go down there and have fun." Sara tried to ignore the growing pit in her stomach and tried to sound as cheery as possible.

"I'm not here for that. I'm here to look out for you, so keeping you company would be the best idea."

"She asked you to do that?"

"No, but I know that it's what she would have wanted."

"Thanks, Nate. Everyone else try to avoid even mentioning her name, but all I want is to talk about her. I miss her so much. I don't want to forget about her."

"Then, I'm here whenever you need to talk."

They continued talking the rest of the night, thinking of things Nyssa might be doing at the moment. A couple of times, Sara's tears threatened to fall, but she fought them back. Nate told her that it's okay if she cried, he understands. He knows how much she loves Nyssa and how hurt she is that she is gone.

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Nyssa tried getting through her days without getting herself killed when her thoughts keep wandering to Sara. She ached for her. She ached to see her smile, to hear her laugh, to hold her, and to just be with her, but Sara decided she doesn't want to be with her. She knew it was best if she just listened to what she asked of her and just forget about her, but it wasn't that easy. How could you forget someone who came into your life and turned it upside down with just a single smile? How could you forget about someone who made you feel different kinds of things that you didn't even know you were capable of feeling? How could you forget about someone who made you feel alive and loved? Someone who once believed in you that she never doubted anytjing you said or did. It bothered her that all the thoughts she had were all in the past tense. All done. No longer at the moment. No inkling of a possibility of returning in the future, but only if she let it end now and not fight for what they had once more. She still has to think that one over.

"You're still thinking about her." Alec interrupted her thoughts.

It annoyed her how much Alec kept meddling with her thoughts. She knew she has dedicated her life to the league and would not turn her back from it, but is she really not allowed to feel anything?

"We finished the mission, didn't we?"

"She's turned you soft. I told you from the beginning not to get involved. You almost got yourself killed again."

Nyssa was full of it. She wished he would just mind his own business like the other assassin in her team.

"I'm still here, aren't I? Going out there, doing what we're doing, that's always almost getting ourselves killed! I don't need any of your lectures!" Nyssa growled at him. "And remember who you're talking to. We might have grown up and trained side by side, but I am not your equal."

Frustrated, Alec walked away without saying another word. Nyssa had always been proud of her title, since it was her birthright, 'Heir to the Demon', but she never used it to put someone in their place. She never had anyone question her authority before either.

Once again, her thoughts drifted to Sara. Her restless nights are filled with her as well. She's dreamt of Sara standing in front off her, but every time she reaches out, she would be pulled back into the darkness. She's dreamt of herself chasing after a small light that she knew was Sara, but she never caught up with it. Then she dreamt of having Sara in her arms only for her to fade into nothing. Every single one would will her awake and not wanting to fall back to sleep again. She would wonder what Sara might be dreaming of, what she might be thinking of, might be doing. Does she think about her? Does she dream of her? Does she still remember her? Or has she completely forgotten her and moved on?

Sara's words still echoes in her head and still hurts as much. Right then, she knew she was just saying those words, afraid of anyone getting hurt even more. She knew that Sara still loved her at that moment, but right now, she's doubting all of it and letting all the hurt flood over her thoughts.

She looked up into the starlit skies with only Sara in mind. "I love you, Sara. But I don't know what I should do right now."

And Sara was lying in her bed hugging her pillow tight. "I love you, Nyssa. Please come back."

Both wishing that the wind of the night would carry out their longing for one another.