Silent Love [Watty Awards 2013 Finalist]

Chapter 15

 I watched Shane walk out my door and down the street. For some reason I felt so bad for rejecting him. The defeated look in his eyes, and the droop in his face, caused my heart to clench. I didn’t want to make anyone feel that way. I walked into to my kitchen, remembering that I was making dinner for myself. I took the pot off of the stove, and mixed in the cheese for my macaroni. After doing so, I sat down at the table eating by myself, trying not to think about Shawn or Shane or anybody. I finished my meal relatively quick as I had not eaten much, and then went to my room to think.

 Now that I had time to cool off and think, I realized that while, yes, I didn’t want to date Shane, I also really liked him. He didn’t treat me different or like a freak. Instead he tried to communicate with me anyway possible, coming up with different ways to talk. He was so considerate of my situation that I was focusing so hard on the people that hate me and not on the people that tried to help me.

 Sighing, I rolled over and glanced at the small pile of goodbye gifts sitting on the edge of my desk. I didn’t want to open them, and I was not feeling up to it. Did I really want to quit dance? Or was I just being hasty?

 What I felt like doing was something I realized I couldn’t give up no matter how much it hurt me to continue. I wasn’t sure if I could go back there, but I had to face my fears somehow. I got off my bed, not caring that it was late and I had school tomorrow, grabbed my keys and walked out my house and out to my jeep.

 It took me about fifteen minutes to drive to the building, and despite the fact that it seemed empty; I got out of my car and headed for the door. It was locked, and unfortunately I didn’t have a key. Looking around, I walked to the back door they use for garbage, and slid my hand under the dumpster bin. I felt around for little looking for the key. I found it and jiggled it into the door, and put the key back.

 I walked inside, locking the door back because I didn’t want strange visitors. I walked into the locker rooms, changing into some tights and a t-shirt. I threw my bag into the locker and slammed the door shut. I walked out into Studio A, my favorite room, and slipped inside.

 Once I got into the room, I plugged in the sound system and began ruffling through Cd’s looking for that one particular song. I pushed the CD in and trotted out onto the middle of the floor. The music began, and so did I.

 I was taking my frustration of life out in my dance, moving around in sharp isolated motions instead of my normal graceful fluid movements. Song after song, I didn’t stop. I kept dancing my heart out, pouring everything I had out of me.

 While I was dancing though, my mind was still on Shane. Did Shane really want to date me? Was he going to hurt me like Shawn had? He didn’t try after he left my house. I mean it’s only been about three hours, but even then Shane always texted me no matter how far I pushed him away. He had made no attempt to reach out to me, and I know he knows how broken I feel. That’s why I wouldn’t date him. Did he really like me?

 Forget about boys, I told myself. They’re not worth it right now. You might be broken and sad, but there’s no need for a guy to fix you. I just kept dancing.

 After a while my thoughts turned to why I was so broken. I missed my father and brother, and I wanted so badly for them to come home. Without them I feel so incomplete, like a whole chapter is missing out of my life story. My brother, the thought of him made me feel like crying, something I hadn’t done since he left. I wished I could hug him and have him tell me everything is going to be okay. I was getting to the point where I couldn’t go on further without my other half.

 I kept dancing though, not feeling tired in the slightest, and I still didn’t stop. Why was I even still here? I had my chance to go with Tyler. I feel completely lost without him, and I’m walking with no direction.