Downstairs, between alcohol and junkies.
...
I had been out for too long, I stopped counting the days. But, when I came back - in the middle of the night, I need to say -, my mother was fucking pissed off and I ignored her. I climbed the stairs four by four and locked myself in my bedroom. I let myself fall on the bed.
My heart was still aching. There was nothing I could do about it. No matter how much drug I took, I much alcohol I drank, it was always there. It never left me. And my phone kept on buzzing in my pocket. I never answered, or looked at it. But here, in the cold dark of my room, I knew I needed to.
Zayn's name was all over the screen. So many messages that I wanted to cry. God I would miss that boy... I would miss him so much...
"Sorry I didn't answered before, kind of busy."
"Is everything alright ?"
No. No, nothing was alright. But I kept it cold. "Yeap." I didn't know what to say to him. I was mad at him, oh so fucking mad... But at the same time... I was mad at my mother, I wanted to murder the bitch and just... Just forgot what she told me about France.
I still had my phone in my hand when it started to ring. Zayn's face popped on the screen, one of the so many pictures we took together. He was looking like an angel.
I let it ring. For a few seconds, before picking up.
"What do you want, Zayn ?" I let out in a breath. I suddenly was too tired for this. Too tired for speaking, too tired for living.
"What's happening, Lex ?" Hearing his voice was even worst than just seeing his name on my screen. It was breaking me, it was making it hard for me to breath.
"Nothing..." I whispered before starting to cry. No sound, just the tears on my cheek and that fucking ache in my heart.
"Don't lie to me, Lex. What's wrong ?" I didn't answered. I just couldn't. Why was he so... So what ? So carrying ? So incredibly perfect for me ? "Alexis, please... Talk to me..."
"Good night Zayn..." I whispered before hanging up. I just couldn't. It was too hard. I knew what I was about to do. I don't know how, but I know what. I was about to break up with him.
The only boy I ever truly loved.
Once again, my phone rang. This time, I let do so. I just quickly typed something. "Please, Zayn... Don't make this even harder..."
I was sobbing hard by then, hiding my face in my pillow to muffle the sound. My phone buzzed and I looked it up.
"I can't help it ! You're... Lex, I won't leave you cry all night without knowing if it's my fault."
"It is. Sort of." In that moment, I wanted Louis. I wanted him to tell me how to do it. And then I realized I would have to leave him too. Shit, this hurt almost as badly as Zayn.
He called again. I picked it up, but I didn't speak. My voice would probably be too broken for that, anyway.
"What did I do ?" He sounded sad, too. I took a deep breath before answering him.
"You made me fall in love with you..."
"What's wrong with that ? I love you too, Lex, you know that." Yes, I know dumb ass. I knew it so much and it was only breaking me more.
"I'm going back to France."
He stopped breathing and my tears just came faster.
"We... We're going to work it out." He said and I knew he was trying to convince himself. He didn't believed it, though.
"I... I just can't..."
"Lex, please... Please, Lex... We can't end like this..." His voice broke and I knew he was crying too.
"It'll be too hard, Zayn..."
To that, he didn't answered. We just kept our phones to our ears, hearing the other cry at the other side of the line. I wanted so badly to be in Bradford in that moment, to lay on his bed, to have his arms wrapped around me...
I was so in love with that boy and it was hurting me so bad... That's why I wasn't doing it, usually, this all 'loving you with all I have' kind of shit. It was hurting so fucking much...
At some point, we had to hung up. We needed to. There was no need on making the agony even worst. But none of us wanted to end to call. Ending it would be the same as ending our lives. Well, in my case at least.
"Lex..." He whispered, trying to make me change my mind one last time. But there was nothing to do. It would just break us more than we already were.
"I love you Zayn. I love you so much that not seeing you will kill me." That's all I said before hanging up and going to Facebook.
I deleted him from my friends, I deleted our inbox. I deleted his number from my phone. I unfollowed him on Twitter.
And then I got to the camera roll. We had so many pictures...
In a matter of seconds, all of them were gone.
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I'm almost done writing this story, kind of giving me the chills ! ;o
Chapter 36
Start from the beginning
