Finding Aria (Wᴀᴛᴛʏ Aᴡᴀʀᴅs 2013)

21. I Will Follow You into the Dark~ Part One

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white

Just our hands clasped so tight

Waiting for the hint of a spark

 I stand up shakily, moving slowly to the edge of the boat, gripping the low railing tight. It would be too easy to trip and fall over the low railing…

            Stop it, I think to myself, forcing myself to stare out at the vast ocean. Nothing bad was going to happen. I clutch the small book closer to my chest, willing the words to soak into me and give the strength that I lacked.

            And I held my tongue as she told me

"Son fear is the heart of love"

So I never went back

 

 

            It was ironic really, being surrounded by people yet still feeling a foreboding feeling of loneliness that waited in the sidelines. It was like the ocean, I think. Water surrounds everything, closing around them and pressing everywhere only to delusion them into thinking that they are aren’t alone in an empty space with nothing to hold. Blank emptiness is what you see in the ocean.

            “He said everything’s going to be just fine,” I mumble to myself, trying to gain courage.

            “Is that what Teegan told you?” a voice asks, piercing the air and making me jump.

            I nearly drop the small book as I whirl around to see Maria standing nearby, her calculating eyes zeroed in on me, with her arms crossed.

            I don’t say anything, the words stuck in my throat.

            “Did he stroke you’re hair as you cried?” Maria asks me, her voice strangely empty. I feel a pang in my heart. “Did he hold your hand, did he whisper soothing words into your ear?” She continues.

            I shake my head slowly, but we both know I’m lying. “He did the same to me,” Maria says, her calculated glare chilling me. “The only difference is, you’re just a toy. He’ll get bored with you,” Maria says confidently.

            I swallow hard. “What makes you think he did those things with me?”

            Maria laughs cruelly, her perfect eyes brows rising. “Sweetie, he’s been with a lot of girls. Don’t you think I know by now what he does? It’s always the same. Passionate words, comforting touches,” Maria says theatrically. “ Singing under the moon light…”

            I suck in a breath.

            “Y-you still trust him?” I ask shakily.

            Maria presses her lips in a hard line. “Those wanabe girls have nothing on me. Teegan always comes back to me.” As she says the words, I can feel her scrutinizing gaze on me and I force a stoic face. “You,” Maria says with emphasis. “-Have nothing on me.”

            I shrug, trying to put on a carless expression.

            “He loves me, and you know it,” She says softly, manipulatively.

            A lump forms in my throat.

            “If he did, I wouldn’t be where I am right now,” I force out through my teeth.  Now I was just spouting out BS, hoping to find a chink in her armor.