In the birds' nest • woosan

XI. Chandeliers and champagne

PART TWO - FALLING

[tw: mentioned self-harm]

☾

It was a Saturday morning, a little after his twenty-sixth birthday when he opened his eyes and the weird but comforting feeling that came to him every once in a while washed over him. During that morning his life felt like a sky without clouds, similar to the one Wooyoung could see from outside his window. His mother, Woobin, his past... Every bad thought felt distant, unable to reach him. He thought about Yeosang, he couldn't hear him but he pictured his friend's small body move around the kitchen in his limping motion, still a little bit sleepy, intent on pouring coffee into the chipped and stained cup that he refused to throw away. He imagined San, sat at a table inside a crowded cafè but looking like the noises didn't bother him at all: a pen within his fingers as he scribbled frantically on a piece of paper the lyrics of a new song. He could see Hongjoong glued to Seonghwa in their small apartment at Myeongdong, teasing him first thing in the morning just for the pleasure to see that small wrinkle form in between Seonghwa's eyebrows before he would throw the newspaper to Hongjoong's direction. He imagined Xiaolong too, spread on the bed while he snored out loud.

The radiator hissed taking him back to the calm and quiet of his apartment, to the sheets warm and smelling of clean and soap. Above his head the chandelier was still, a new entry in his small room that San had decided to hang there a moth ago after finding it at a flea market. Wooyoung had protested but he knew he couldn't talk San down, he was too stubborn, and so the chandelier had ended up in his apartment. Wooyoung had to admit that it looked pretty even if it was a bit too big for the cramped space of his room.

He stretched his arms above his head, enjoying the light feeling that warmed up his heart. He closed his eyes, not because he was tired but because that one felt like a perfect moment and he wanted to savour it to the very end. He knew that moments like that wouldn't last for long. Sometimes it was enough for him to stand from his bed to realize, with the violence of a slap in the face, that the lightness he felt didn't really belong to him. Woobin, his mother, Kyungmin and all that had happened... the reality of his present was still there and sometimes all it needed was for his feet to touch the cold floor to crush him with his whole weight. He knew that he couldn't escape who he was, who he will forever be, but during those years he had made a few steps forward, he thought. Even those brief moments were a sign of his improvement.

He raised slowly, feet touching the floor one at a time and... He still felt good! It's a good day, he thought grateful for that unexpected truce as he walked to the bathroom. He ran his fingers through his disheveled hair, still a bit tangled from sleep, and glanced at himself in the mirror. The reflection staring back was a little rumpled but content, a stark contrast to the weary face he often saw. The sunlight filtering through the frosted bathroom window painted soft, warm patterns on the tiles, adding to the serene atmosphere.