My Dad the Brain Surgeon

Chapter 11

Derek's POV.

As I walked into the hallway, I was biting my tongue as hard as I could.  After 16 years, there were so many things I wanted to say to Sarah.  None of them were happy statements.  I wanted her to feel like shit for leaving our daughter.  I wanted to cuss her out, but I refrained for the sake of the sleeping girl on the other side of the wall.

"Leave... Please!"  I choked out the please and almost laughed at myself for being polite.

"What if I want to see my daughter?"  I did let out a small chuckle when she said that.  I couldn't hold it back.

"My daughter.  If you think I'm just going to let you go in there like you're her mother, you're fucking crazy!"

"I am her mother and I heard she had brain surgery.  I wanted to check on her."

"Let's just get something straight here.  In this situation, you are nothing more than an egg donor.  To be a mother, you have to actually be there for your kid.   Also, you aren't seeing her.  That's not even an argument I'll have.  She just had brain surgery, yes.  That means she doesn't need stress.  You don't just show up after 16 years and act like everything is perfect."

"Derek.  Your best friend called my parents and told them so they could come visit her.  I'm clean now and you work in a hospital.  If you want, you can do a blood test to prove it.  Just let me see her for a minute?  She is 16 now, shouldn't you get her opinion?"

When Tay was little, I dreamed of the day that Sarah would come back to be a mom.  Now, I can't even bring myself to let Tay see her for a split second.  Maybe it's the wrong choice, but I don't want to turn her life upside down.  

I knew I had to get Sarah to leave so I cracked the door to Tay's room and glanced in.  I couldn't tell if she was still sleeping.  Meredith had moved to the chair by the bed.  Her back was to the door and she blocked the view from the bed.  If Tay was awake, she couldn't see us out here.

"Look in.  You don't go inside.  If you try to, I'll just call security."

I watched Sarah's face closely while she looked at her child.  I was hoping for some pain or regret, but her face was flat.

Then I heard a very faint voice in the room.  I couldn't get the door closed before she said, "Mom?"  My heart started pounded.  Did she see Sarah?!  

Mer waved for me to come inside so I grabbed Sarah's arm and gave her a stern look.  "Stay out here or I'll have you thrown out."

Mer met me just inside the door and put her hand in the middle of my chest to stop me.

"Did she--?"

"No, she has no clue her mother is here.  She was talking to me."  For a moment, Meredith's face lit up with pride.  I wanted to grab her and kiss her in excitement, but then I heard a soft cry behind us.  "She's having a panicking.  She's shaking really bad too, but she couldn't tell me what's wrong."

In a swift movement, I spun around and got in the floor beside the bed.  I grabbed Taylor's face with both of my hands to keep her head still.  Tears were pouring down her cheeks and her eyes were darting around the room, it was almost like she didn't even realize I was there.

"Tay, can you look at me?"  She glanced at me then to the monitor behind me then around the room again.  I touched my forehead to hers so she couldn't see around me.  Within seconds, she started to relax.

"She's overstimulated.  Keep the TV off, close the blinds, and throw a blanket over the monitors.  I'll try to find other ways to minimize the movement and noise in here."  Taylor had her head buried in my shoulder trying to hide from her overwhelming surroundings.  I wanted to just hug her until she was able to calm down, but I could see Sarah still watching at the door.  I slowly helped Taylor lay back down. "I'll be right back, baby.  Close your eyes if you need to until I get back."  

I attempted to leave the room subtly so she wouldn't suspect anything.  

"What's the matter with her?"

"Overstimulation.  It's a possibility after brain surgery.  Can you please just go?"

"What does that mean?"

"She can't focus on any one thing.  Imagine standing in a huge crowd with everyone talking to you at one time while you are trying to understand just one of them.  She obviously can't handle anything else right now.  I need you to leave."

"Hold on!  I heard someone say you did the surgery.  You messed something up didn't you?!"

"Actually, it is a possible side-effect after brain surgery.  It can be permanent if there is damage done during surgery, but you can't just assume that's the problem.  Right now, it's a side-effect that I will monitor until the anesthesia is worn off and further testing can be done accurately.  I've been as nice as possible, but you have to go.  Don't make me call security."

"I come back sober, try to check on my daughter, and you don't let me.  You may have also damaged her brain.  Do you know how much of a hell her life will be if that's permanent, if she can't even watch TV without having a panic attack?!  Be prepared to hear from a lawyer, Derek.  Whether I get to see her or not, you'll pay if you harmed her!"  She walked off without looking me in the eye. 

 I swallowed hard and went back to Taylor.  I looked her over and thought about how happy she was just last night. Then I imagined tears running down her face every day out of misery because I didn't get into the OR fast enough to prevent permanent damage.  I felt eyes starting to water so I fought the thought.  I told myself over and over that it was just post-op side-effect and that she would be fine soon.  Being  a surgeon, I should be easily convinced, but not this time.  Not when the patient is my own daughter.

A/N sorry it took me so long to update!  I was on vacation.