The Book Store (Ereri/Riren) |COMPLETED|

Fourteen - Meaning

But loving Petra wasn't the only reason why I hoped she wasn't dead, although the other was quite selfish. If she was dead, then I would never receive an answer as to why she suddenly left. A part of me longed to know, while the other was afraid of what her answer might be. I was afraid that if she were to tell me, I'd try to change it to get her back, even if I didn't want her back, I wanted Eren, not her. But if she came back tomorrow or something, I wouldn't be mad. I would be happy, to be honest, and I would treat her as my friend, even after all the shit she put me through. I could never hate her, no matter what she did to me.

Day by day and eventually month by month, I got more comfortable with saying 'I love you' to Eren. We wouldn't say it all the time, only before bed, at the end of phone calls, or if the moment seemed right. Each time the words slipped from my mouth, they grew stronger and more meaningful. The words were meant to be cherished, and not to be overused so much that they lost their meaning like almost all words have.

Since both Eren and I agreed that Eren's job kept us apart for such a long time during the day, he got a job at the book store, which meant that we were together for almost the entire day. I helped the costumers and managed the shelves, which was only necessary if someone misplaces a book in the wrong place. And Eren occasionally worked at the cash register with Hanji or helped me if the book I needed to return to its spot happened to be on the top shelf. That happened too often, and I hated it and cursed my unreasonable height each time I had to call for Eren to help me. I always hated my height, while Eren says it matches me and that its cute, although I obviously disagree.

Eren and I weren't together as much as we were before, but we did see each other everyday. He still occasionally slept at my apartment or I slept at his, but we'd stay at our own apartments on school nights, since whenever we slept together, we ended up staying up for the most of the night, talking about nonsense or sharing soft kisses. During the days, we tried to do more outside things, like going to the park and taking walks. In the winter I hated going outside, but now that's it warmed up, I don't mind.

Eren and I spent his birthday at the abandoned park; we stayed there all night. He said he didn't want much, so I didn't get him anything. I know that if I said I didn't want anything myself, then I really didn't want anything, so I suspected that Eren was the same and he was. He said he hated getting gifts for his birthday. He said he hated his birthday in general, but I told him that it was his day of birth, and that if he hated it, he hated the fact that he was born, so therefore I loved it, and that ladies and gentlemen, is how to make Erem blush like a tomato.

Some days we would do absolutely nothing, just enjoy each other's presence. Sometimes we wouldn't even acknowledge each other, even when we were in the same room. But then one of us would cut the act and give in, and we both shared that role equally. When I cracked first, I'd find my way into Eren's arms and stay there without saying a single word, and he always accepted me happily. When he cracked first, he would stare at me and either cough loudly or make some other noise to get my attention. Once he did, he'd open his arms slightly, and so I'd nod and allow him to cuddle into my chest.

I was aware of how much I cared for Eren, and I knew how much he cared for me. I trusted him enough to tell him everything about me, and he understood and listened. I was afraid of what he would think, but he only smiled softly and told me I won't have to go through that again, and that he would always be there for me. After I told him my story, he told me his. I'd like to say I handled it well, although I was sure if his dad was still alive, I probably would've killed him, rhetorically, of course, but still. He deserved whatever he got for treating Eren how he did.

College seemed to get easier in a way, too, or it was just that I had gotten less lazy and actually did my assignments. Eren's tutoring helped loads, especially since Germany's education was probably much better than America's, or he was just smart in general. It bothered me a bit that he majored in Art because he was so smart. If he wanted, he could probably be a doctor, but nope, he said he likes Art. I was still undecided, but Eren wanted me to major in Literature so I could write a book or peom, but I don't think I would ever have the patience for it, or the right vocabulary.