The Book Store (Ereri/Riren) |COMPLETED|

Fourteen - Meaning

Warning: slight smut.

I don't think I can write full smut, but if I do later on, just bare with me :/

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~Levi~

I remember I used to see everything in black and white, like the world was drained from its colour. I remember looking at everything and feeling as if everything was dead, just how I used to be. In my eyes the world was rotten, dying, like all all the life had been drained from it, leaving it empty and meaningless.

But slowly, over the next few months, everything started regaining its meaning, colour and life. I could feel the warmth in my fingertips, feel the breeze in my hair, and my eyes could see the colour and life again. It wasn't like I was colourblind before, it was just that I saw no meaning in the world, I saw no meaning in myself; I was meaningless.

All the days we spent together, all the sleepless nights, each moment was carved into my brain, never to be forgotten. The countless kisses we shared never failed to leave me breathless, and they always left a tingling sensation upon my lips that always left me craving more.

Our small arguments always ended the same way; the both of us apologizing and sometimes hugging, but Eren was always the one to initiate it, since he always felt guilty after our arguments, no matter how stupid they were. There wasn't one argument that had ended with the both of us still angry, or with someone upset. I constantly made sure that Eren was always happy, or felt fine; I hated to see him upset in any possible way. If he was feeling upset, missed his friends, or on the rare occasion, cried because of his parents, I would do everything in my power to reverse his emotion. No matter how ridiculous I had to act or how ultimately stupid I had to look, I always managed to get a small smile out of him, and that made me feel good; it was nice to be someone's reason for smiling.

Even though I was usually stoic and introverted, especially around strangers, I sometimes had no trouble showing my emotions around Eren, but that was rare. I hated looking weak, absolutely despised it, but there were a few times where I just couldn't hold it in and ended up breaking down. And because Eren was always beside me, he was there each time. The first time I scared the shit out of him, but after a few agonizing moments, he pulled me into his arms and rocked me back and forth. Deep down, I was always glad he was there, even if he seen me in my weakest state, because if he wasn't, I'm sure I would've lost my mind at some point.

Even if I felt much better than I did before Eren, I still couldn't say that I was the same way I was before her. She did something to me that I couldn't bring into words. She had manipulated me and changed me, like I was some sort of school project that she decided to change at the last moment before it was to be presented. She deranged me then left me unfinished, and that left me a complete mess, an unfinished mess that would always be incomplete. And it frightened me that even Eren couldn't manage to finish me, no matter how much I wanted him to or how much he tried. I was doomed to be incomplete until the day I died.

After my breakdowns, Eren wouldn't mention them again. It was like he knew what was wrong without even having to ask, and that saved me from having to figure it out myself before I could explain it. I knew they were taking a toll on him, seeing as he always seemed to have this constant worried look on his face when he'd look at me, accompanied by a look of cautiousness, like he didn't want to trigger me. And like I said before, I hated looking weak, so I hated when he would look at me like that; like I was a weak little creature that needed protection, although I was completely capable of protecting and looking after myself.

Sometimes a thought occurred in my head, one that I hoped wasn't true. It was: 'What if she's dead?'. I couldn't handle the thought, just thinking about it nearly tore me to shreds. I admit it, I still loved her, but once you love someone, it's nearly impossible to stop. Love wasn't meant to just fade away and be forgotten. Once you love someone, you always do, no matter how hard you try not to; that's why I was so cautious with Eren, because I knew the aftermath of love if not treated properly. And I didn't want to go through it again, and I didn't want him to go through it either. It frightened me that he might, that I might break him like Petra broke me.