Subtle Steps in Solitude

• 4 • Acknowledging the cracks

I stared at the message, my heart sinking further. Whenever my mom is the one who personally invites me for dinner, it was never good news. The timing couldn't have been worse. The last thing I needed right now was another lecture about my life choices, my career, or the fact that I was still single at 28.

I started typing... "Sorry Ma, can't." I couldn't press send.

What is driving this hesitation to come to dinner? It's just dinner. I've stared at that reply for much too long and I knew better than to ignore her. I quickly deleted and retyped a response.

"Okay. I'll be there."

With a sigh, I put my phone down and returned to the task at hand. But the brief interruption had broken my focus. I tried to dive back into the work, but my thoughts kept drifting back to the impending dinner. I could already hear my mom's voice, sharp and critical, questioning every decision I had made.

After a few more fruitless attempts to focus, I finally pushed my chair back and stood up. I needed a break—a chance to clear my head before I tackled this mountain of work. I grabbed my phone and headed to the break room, hoping that a quick cup of coffee would help me reset.

As I reached the break room, I was surprised to find Rina already there, humming softly to herself as she prepared a cup of tea. She looked up as I entered, a bright smile on her face.

"Ms. Tan! Just the person I wanted to see," she said, her eyes lighting up. "How's the first day of being a Senior Financial Adviser treating you?"

I forced a smile, trying to mask the turmoil I was feeling. "It's... going," I replied, not wanting to get into the details. "A lot to adjust to, you know?"

"I can imagine," she said, her smile sympathetic. "But you'll get the hang of it. You're one of the best in the office—everyone knows that."

I nodded, appreciating her words even though they did little to ease the pressure I was feeling. Rina was always so positive, so upbeat. It was hard to feel down around her, and I found myself grateful for the brief distraction.

"How about you?" I asked, trying to shift the focus away from myself. "How's your day going?"

"Oh, you know, the usual," she said with a grin. "Just trying to survive the endless sea of emails. But hey, I'm grabbing dinner with some friends tonight. Want to join us? It could be fun!"

My immediate reaction was to decline. The idea of socializing, especially after the day I was having, felt exhausting. Besides I'm having family dinner.

"I'd love to," I said, surprising myself with the words. "But I actually have dinner at my mom's tonight. Maybe another time?"

Rina's smile didn't falter. "Absolutely! Just let me know whenever you're free. We'd love to have you."

As I made my way back to my desk, coffee in hand, I felt a small sense of relief. It was just a brief conversation, but it had helped to clear my mind, if only for a moment. I sat down, feeling a renewed sense of determination. I could do this. I had to do this.

The rest of the day passed in a blur of meetings, phone calls, and endless revisions to Mr. Rodriguez's portfolio. By the time I finally left the office, the sun was already dipping below the horizon, casting long shadows across the city. I felt drained, both physically and mentally, but there was still the looming dinner with my mom to face.

As I drove to my parents' house, the familiar unease settled over me. I could already anticipate the direction the conversation would take. My mom's disapproval had always been a constant in my life, a quiet but persistent voice that reminded me I wasn't quite living up to her expectations.