Subtle Steps in Solitude is a poignant exploration of a young woman's journey through life's mundane routines and unexpected challenges. Priscilla "Cici" Tan is a 28-year-old financial adviser, seemingly content with her structured, solitary existen...
Okay. I initiated this coffee date so I should be prepared mentally if it finally comes. I am the type of person to instantly regret agreeing to go out, but since I was the one who asked Jia for coffee, I should not back out on this one.
As I prepared for bed, I felt a strange mix of exhaustion and exhilaration. The cracks in my facade were still there, but they no longer felt like flaws. They were becoming windows—windows through which I could see the possibility of a life that was more than just work.
And for the first time in a long while, I fell asleep with a sense of hope that the future might hold more than just client meetings and career milestones. It might hold real connection, real fulfillment—a life that was truly mine.
*****
I can still feel the adrenaline from my meeting with Mr. Koh coursing through my veins as I drive to the office the next morning. My hands grip the steering wheel a little tighter than usual, the reality of my success sinking in. No more cramped MRT rides for me, at least not for a while. It's strange to be driving to work again, but it feels like the right kind of strange—like a step toward something bigger, something better.
When I pull into the office parking lot, I take a deep breath and remind myself that today is just another day. But I know it isn't. The air feels different, charged with a sense of anticipation. I make my way up to the office, trying to ignore the fluttering in my stomach.
As I step out of the elevator and into the office, I'm greeted by an unexpected sight. The place is decked out with streamers, balloons, and a banner that reads, "Congratulations, Ms. Priscilla Tan!" My heart skips a beat. The team is gathered around, clapping and cheering as I walk in.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"Surprise!" Rina calls out, stepping forward with a wide grin. Rina Xi, a colleague whom I have had a chitchat or two is especially happy today, her eyes beaming with excitement. She's holding a bouquet of flowers, and I can see the genuine excitement in her eyes.
I force a smile, trying to match her enthusiasm, but inside I'm reeling. This kind of attention isn't something I'm used to, and it's overwhelming. I've always been good at my job, but I've never been the center of attention like this. It feels... uncomfortable.
"Thank you," I manage to say, my voice steady despite the chaos inside me. I take the flowers from Rina, our fingers brushing briefly. She's always been friendly, but I've kept her at arm's length. She's just a colleague, after all, not a friend. But something about her openness, her willingness to celebrate my success, makes me wonder if I've been too guarded.
The team starts to gather around, offering their congratulations. I nod and smile, thanking each of them, but I'm careful not to let the interactions linger too long. It's not that I don't appreciate their support—I do—but I'm not ready to let anyone in. Not yet.
Rina sticks close, though, and I find myself strangely okay with it. She's talking animatedly about the presentation I gave, how Mr. Koh was practically beaming. I listen, nodding at the right moments, but my mind is elsewhere. I'm trying to figure out how to navigate this new territory—how to let people in without losing myself in the process.
As the celebration winds down, the CEO walks in, his presence commanding immediate attention. The room falls silent as he steps forward, a serious expression on his face.
"Ms. Tan," he begins, his voice carrying the weight of authority, "I want to personally congratulate you on the success of your presentation. Mr. Koh was very impressed, and it's clear that you've gone above and beyond in your role here."
My heart pounds in my chest as he continues.
"Effective immediately, I'm pleased to announce your promotion to Senior Financial Adviser."
The room erupts in applause, and I feel a mix of pride and anxiety.
Senior Financial Adviser?! I'm barely 30. This is a great leap for me. Even though I've been in the company for more than 7 years now and in the Financial Adviser position for more than 5, I still think this promotion is far too soon. I thought I was more than ready when I finally hear it. I'm still calm and collected on the outside, but on the inside, I'm shaking.
"Don't forget to smile more at work Cici...". The words of my mom haunts up to this supposedly joyous day of my life.
"I am competent. I am in control. I am respected. I am successful." I've recited my morning affirmations quite confident this morning yet I feel like the world has slowed down right now.
NO.
This is what I've worked for, what I've wanted for so long, but the reality of it is daunting. I nod, acknowledging the applause, but inside I'm already thinking about what this promotion means. More responsibility, more pressure, more expectations.
As the CEO wraps up his speech and the team begins to disperse, Rina turns to me with a warm smile. "Congratulations, Ms. Tan. You really deserve this."
"Thanks," I say, my voice softer than I intended. There's a part of me that wants to keep her at a distance, but another part that's curious—curious about what it might be like to have a friend at work, someone I can trust.
"I'm thinking of grabbing a coffee later," Rina says, almost casually. "Care to join me?"
I hesitate, the familiar urge to retreat tugging at me. But then I remember my decision to take things one step at a time. I'm not ready to open up completely, but I can start with something small.
"Sure," I reply, surprising myself with how easy the word comes out. "I'd like that."
Rina's smile widens, and for a moment, I feel a warmth I haven't felt in a long time. It's not friendship, not yet. But it's a start, and that's enough for now.
As the day winds down, I find myself back in my car, the events of the day replaying in my mind. The celebration, the promotion, going out to get coffee with Rina and knowing her a little better even though I was practically just listening to her talk about herself, her day, and smiling at his puppy's photos—it's a lot to process. But as I drive home, I feel a sense of calm settle over me.
Change is coming, whether I'm ready for it or not. But I know it's the kind of change I need.
And for the first time in a long time, I'm okay with that.
