One

Thirteen

This Reminiscing is bitter sweet. I sighed. Since it looks like I won't be able to sleep, I went to the kitchen and poured me some wine. Having second thoughts, I brought the bottle with me. I went straight to the veranda and took in the beauty before me. The city lights twinkling amidst the darkness of the night. Ah, what a view. Taking it all in, I closed my eyes momentarily and breathe in. I leaned over while sipping the wine. Just to help me through the night.

I sat down at the chair facing the city lights. Tucked my feet under me and then reached for my phone. While putting in my passcode, I know what to check exactly but my mind is debating whether I'll go there or not. It's been a while but I want to see it. For whatever reason, I honestly don't know. I know it will be painful but when it comes to her, I am willing to endure the pain one more time.

I went to the gallery and browsed my hidden albums. Albums that contains all of our memories together. Yes –I ended our relationship but I still have them. All of them. Why? Maybe because I'm crazy? Or maybe because even after letting her go, It was still her all along.

I opened a particular video. This was on the night of the 28th of March eleven years ago...

*Video playing*

17 year old Althea is being seen sitting down in front of the video with a guitar and tears in her eyes. She was looking straight at the camera, her eyes full of sadness and pain.

"Hi. I know I shouldn't bother you with this. But.. uhm I just want you to know that I will wait for you. I don't believe you when you said that you don't love me anymore. I just hope that the time will come where you will realize that what we have is for keeps. That our love is real and we are meant for each other. I love you, Jade. With all my heart. I will wait for you and I know that you know, I will never love anyone like I have loved you. This one's for you..

*Song intro*

Let me sleep even just for tonight

'Cause I can't keep you from wandering 'round my mind

And even if I can't have you

Even if I can't make you mine

I'll be standing waiting till it's time

Her voice shaking, she continued as the sound of the music gets sadder every minute.

But I can't let you ask me why

'Cause words won't ever be able to define

The happiness I feel when you're around

Can't let you look into my eyes

'Cause I'm afraid I might just give in

When it seems we're not ready to try

She stared at the camera, as tears fall from her eyes. Each words and melodies pierced my soul, gripping my heart and once again reminding me that what i did to her, was the biggest mistake i ever did.

How could I possibly go on

When all I have in my mind's "together we belong"

I stopped believing till you came along

What a chance of a lifetime

That I'm giving this for

She sang with so much emotion that even after eleven years, I still cry watching this..

But I love you

But I love you

But I'm afraid this can't go on

No, it can't go on

Moment for moment I'll cherish all my life

We'll hold it forever

Even in the end it says "goodbye"

The video ended with her crying while hugging her guitar. My gift on our first year anniversary.

I dare not see the last part for it was too much and so heart breaking.

My heart feels like it will burst because of the pain and longing for the person that I have loved and lost because I chose to give her up thinking that our relationship will never last.

I have always blamed myself for letting her go. For giving up on our love just because I have to choose my family. I never forgave myself. For leaving her and letting her think that I no longer love her.. Never. And i will always regret the day i chose to let her go..

"I am so sorry, Althea.I am so sorry.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.."