One

Seven

The next day, I was eating lunch with Bette when I saw her walked in the school cafeteria. By her I mean, that girl from the locker area. I saw her looking around and then our eyes met. Briefly. I have momentarily lost track of time. And then my heart beats like crazy.

"Earth to Jade! Yoohoo!" Bette pushed me out of my reverie. I looked away but to my surprise, the mysterious girl sat down on the table behind Bette. I saw her did a half glance back at our table, I squirmed in my seat, looked away and was thankful that Bette just kept on talking and did not notice anything. Lunch time was almost over and in just a short time, I have noticed loads of things about her. Like how she always flip the right side of her hair at the back of her shoulders-probably a habit. Her voice and how she talks, it was like she's always calm and soft spoken, gosh! And her laugh? So cute! I love hearing her tinkling sweet laugh but they come out very rare, though. Even though her friends were all laughing, she would just smile and laugh softly-Halt! Where the heck are all these coming from? Darn! What is happening to me?

"Ahem! Mind telling me what's making you look like you're totally spaced out?" "Shhh! Not so loud, Bette!" "What? You're not listening to me and why are we whispering? Oh okay.. Is it Arnold? Is he here somewhere or something..?" She looked around and tried to stand up to see what caught my attention but I pulled her down. "Sit down! Sheesh!" I glared at her. "Just sit down and shut it, ok? It's just that uh- I'm thinking about uhm, something." And then I smiled at her sweetly. Bette gave me an i-don't-believe-you look and I just smiled.

I mouthed "later" and asked her if we could leave already. Behind Bette, I saw her turned her body to look at us. I was so embarrassed! I dragged Bette and walked fast out of the cafeteria.

I decided not to tell Bette about my feelings that day. I'm not ready yet. Or maybe i don't know if there is something to share.

But one day, when we were at the gym all sweaty from practicing a dance routine, Althea suddenly showed up. I was looking down at the floor stretching my legs so, I didn't know that she came in. But I noticed some of my guy classmates whispering. I got curious then I craned my neck to have a better look at the person they were whispering about. The girl walked towards our P.E. teacher and handed in some papers. At first, I did not recognize who it was. Suddenly, it's as if my eyes have a built in telescope. I recognized her. It was her. But something's different.

After so many weeks that have passed thinking of her endlessly, finally I am seeing her again. I tried to appear uninterested even though my heart started to beat faster. She looked different, then I noticed the hair. It's straight and brown --light brown. Oh my! She is more beautiful with her new look. Wow. I couldn't take my eyes off of her and I'm almost gawking at her when I heard Bette say, "So! Seems you're mind is occupied with something, again.. Allrighty...hmm..

I momentarily looked at her "what? What is it?" "Oh no, nothing important." then she whispered, "..You know.. ahm just in case.. i'm just here." I pretended not to hear her and continued to act as natural as I could. I hope I'm convincing enough.

However, I made the mistake of avoiding Bette after class. I showered fast and quickly dressed up to go home to avoid her. But walking across the shower room, I saw my best friend. She's leaning against the wall next to the door and she had her arms crossed to her chest. She really looked scary. Oh boy, I'm in trouble. Big trouble..

She was staring at me and for the first time, Im having difficulties meeting her eyes. Silently, thru her eyes, she was like urging me to say something or explain anything to her. But the problem is, I don't even know how to explain it.. even to myself, for god's sake!

When I'm about to touch the door, she cleared her throat. I was about to say something when i found myself saying, "I uhm have to go home. I'm sorry." Her eyes widened in surprise and I can't bear to look at her anymore so I walked away. I was afraid and so confused. I don't know what will happen to our friendship and I don't know how will I be able to explain my feelings. Will she listen? Understand?Still accept me? This is all new to me and though I have seen girls and women who's in the same sex relationship, I have never ever thought i'd feel this way for a girl.

Growing up with strict parents just doesn't mean you'll wake up one day crushing on a girl and having feelings for her that only goes stronger each day. Confused? Am i just confused? Sigh. I don't know. Maybe.

I went home that day thinking hard and decided that I will just keep it to myself for a while. Bette called for more than three times and sent me numerous messages. I am tempted to answer but I can't. Just not today.. I told myself. I need to be alone to contemplate on things. I just need a time alone.