Awake

Chapter Forty-Two - Self Control and Dangerous Choices

Ebb was in the hazy blue semi-reality that signalled the descent after a long, floating high. He was neither asleep nor awake but drifting somewhere in between, half-seeing, half-knowing, lost in his thoughts.

There was pain, somewhere, but he didn't feel it. He was aware of it as the messages tried to reach his brain but his mind was too distant and distracted, made of mist, and the feeling simply couldn't get through so while he knew about it, Ebb didn't feel the hurt.

He remembered Sandy telling him that your brain was the only part of the body that felt pain, that your limbs felt nothing at all. They merely conveyed the information to your head, which is where the agony is felt, where the message came to mean something. This was why, Sandy had said, physical pain and emotional pain felt so similar. They were the same warning lights for different problems. It was all brain hurt, all of it.

This hadn't made sense to Ebb at the time but it did now.

He undulated through the cloudy landscapes of his half-dreaming mind, surfacing briefly in and out of consciousness but never long enough to get a grip on what was going on around him. He was aware, albeit uncertainly, that he was still alive. That was more than he had been expecting when the pain had hit him first.

  It would have to do, for now.

When Ebb finally awoke for real, he found that he was back on his bed in the medical bay and that Cass was leaning over to place a cup of something on the table by his head. His mind still felt woolly and insubstantial around the edges but it would come back to itself. When it did, the pain would return in full force.

  Cass noticed him as he stood back up and they made eye contact almost accidentally. Cass sighed, brushing his fringe back from his face, frowning slightly.

"I don't like you, you selfish bastard," he said, quietly, "but I guess I can forgive you anything for what you did yesterday."

Ebb didn't know what he was talking about so he simply stared back in silence.

"He hasn't left," Cass gestured with his thumb. "Been sitting there all night waiting for you to wake up."

Ebb followed his gaze to the chair where Sandy sat slumped, asleep, head fallen sideways.

"Just you be careful," Cass added. "I don't owe you anything. Don't make me regret saving your life."

He turned and shook Sandy's shoulder gently.

"Hey," he said. "The boy's awake."

Casting one last look back at Ebb, Cass left the cubicle, pulling the curtains back across. Ebb lay still, staring at the space where he been, managing somehow to think nothing at all.

"Ebb?"

He turned and saw Sandy's face. In this state, he couldn't read it. He couldn't translate the messages of eyes and mouth and all the other little signs that people are supposed to know. So he simply looked and said nothing at all.

"How are you feeling?" Sandy swallowed hard, sitting forward. "Are you...are you in a lot of pain?"

"Not yet," Ebb managed to reply, and his voice scraped his throat. "I'm still floating."

Sandy nodded. "I...listen, I have to say thank you. Thank you. Really. More than anything. I...I owe you everything."

Ebb didn't have the faintest idea what he was talking about so he just kept watching. Sandy looked as though he might cry. Ebb fervently hoped that he wouldn't.

"I'm sorry," Sandy whispered. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry that you're hurt."

He didn't cry. Ebb breathed a sigh of relief.