Bad Crush // Michael Clifford

The past

*Emma*

I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask for any of this. I didn't ask for god to bring me to this world, I didn't ask for my mum to die from exhaustion after giving birth to me, I didn't ask for my dad to put me in adoption before he ran away, and I definitely didn't ask for my dog to die.

I honestly wish life could get any worse, I ask life to get worse. I don't think it can get worse. My past; it wasn't the best. I mean, yeah, I did have the most amazing times of my life, and yeah, I had some pretty good days, but other than that... It wasn't the greatest.

It really sucks, living with pain because I basically killed my own mum, and no matter how much times i have tried to convince myself that it wasn't entirely my fault, I remember how much I hurt my biological family and caused sadness to them. It hurts, every time I think of my real grandparents that I have never met, and how much I hurt them. I feel like i'm a disappointment to my family; my family that I have no memories of, my family that I have never met.

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The family that had adopted me when I was one years old, where a nice, happy family. I had my step parents, who were in their mid 30's, and a younger step brother, who was only a year younger than me. The funny thing is; they haven't told me I was adopted until only three years ago, which honestly broke me. Once they told me, I gave them the cold shoulder, and kept my distance from them..

I'm fifteen years old, I was sitting on my bed, in my room, looking out the big window that was next to my bed. I looked at the stars outside, I was honestly just thinking as I drank from the bottle of beer that was in my right hand. A few minutes had passed when finally, my phone that was on my lap vibrated. I clutched the photograph that was in my other hand a little bit tighter, as I felt the hole that was in my heart grow a little more.

"Happy New Year, E" I mumbled, shutting my eyes tightly as I did.

It was a new year, another whole year to live and deal with. I throw the photograph harshly, but because it's a paper, it slowly and neatly falls in a zig-zag before landing softly in front of me on the bed. I sigh as I fall back on my bed, I toss the empty bottle onto my pillow before sitting back up again. I then open my window, letting some fresh air in my room. I take out the half-used pack of cigarettes from out of the pocket of my one-size-larger grey hoodie that i'm wearing and a lighter. I light a cigarette before putting it gently in between my teeth. I suck the smoke from the cigarette then inhale, taking a few seconds before exhaling.

"Hello, 2016."

I said to no one in particular, as I saw the white cloud of smoke get carried by the wind until it completely faded away.

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