Pages of my heart :A literary journey

DAD

Do you feel ashamed when you see my tears and try to hide because of my fears?
I thought you loved me, but you broke me into pieces.
You broke my heart before someone else did.
And I'm so glad you did before someone made my heart dead.
My memories still play this forgetting game.
But why am I crying when you're screem?
Maybe my memory forgets, but my tears and bodily tremor don't forget.
You think you never hurt me, but what if you did?
I swear, I tried more than once for you to love me, but you didn't.
Because your love isn't earned, but rather arises from my coming into existence.
They say love is free, but why do you make me pay its cost?
The wounds still fill my hands in an attempt to punish myself for your satisfaction, but nothing satisfies you.
I'm sorry for saying this, but I'm tired of playing that silly game of trying to please you.
And I'm tired of making my dad love me too.