The Deity- A Curse Or A Blessing?

Goodbye is the saddest word.

"Thank you for giving my Gun another chance at reincarnation. If it weren't for you... I- I don't want to think about it." Mae Gim hugs him tightly. Fourth doesn’t know how to react, let alone what to say, so he holds still and allows himself to be hugged.

"I know you have given up a lot for this to be possible. I can never thank you enough. Hopefully, in another lifetime, my Gun and I will be reunited. In the meantime, I promise to take care of you." Mae Gim says, cupping his cheek after releasing from the hug.

There are so many emotions displayed on Mae Gim's face. Fourth can see the grief all over her face, which is understandable because if Fourth is interpreting things right, it means that Gun died? Does that mean he technically died in his universe? He hopes not. Fourth has been working as hard in hopes of seeing his family and friends again. That's why he had been keeping Tinn at arms length away so that he didn't fall in love with him while he was still in love with Gemini.

The other emotion displayed on Mae Gim's face seems to be a mixture of relief and gratitude. She was probably relieved that her only son's soul was saved, and the gratitude must be towards Fourth because without him being here Gun's soul would've shattered and never to enter the reincarnation cycle ever again. Because he sacrificed himself for this... because he gave up everything for this to happen.

Yet it wasn't true, was it? He never consented to any of this. He was just a regular young man trying to live his best life and achieve his dreams. He was leading an ordinary life, falling in love with his best friend and co-star. The next thing he knew, he was transported to an alternative universe where he was suddenly responsible for another person's life.

Fourth never wanted any of this. He never wanted to be noble and righteous and good. The type to give up his life for the life of others. He never wanted to be a martyr. He was forced into this. He was never given a choice. His free will was taken from him, and he can't even feel good about giving Gun another chance to life. Not when it comes at a cost of giving up his own.

Fourth doesn’t say anything, because what can he say? He can't lash out at Gun's mother. It's not her fault. It's that stupid deity and his brothers fault.

"I promise to take care of you. I will be the best mother you could ever ask for." Mae Gim says with a sad smile, the pad of her thumb wiping away tears from Fourth's face. Tears that Fourth was unaware of.

Fourth doesn’t doubt her words. She knows that Mae Gim is a great mother. He knows she would do just about anything for her child. But Fourth doesn’t want any other mother. He wants his mother. He wants Mae Pui. His best friend, someone who understands him just as much as he understands himself and perhaps even more.

Fourth feels a fury of anger and sadness so deep it hurts physically. His heart feels like an elephant is sitting on it and stealing away all the air in his lungs. He wants to scream, but he can't. His voice is stuck in his throat, and all he feels is pain. The type of pain he has never felt before, a pain embedded so deep within his bones that his whole body aches.

The nurse comes to let him know that Mae Gim needs to take her medication and get some rest. Mae Gim gives him one last tight hug, a kiss on the cheek, and whispers her gratitude once more. The nurse assumes Fourth is worried about Mae Gim's health and assures him the worst is over and that he should probably go home and get some rest.

Fourth, gives Mae Gim a sad smile and leaves. He doesn't know where he is going. He should probably go home. Except that's not home, is it? It's Gun's home, and from everything that has happened today, it is evident that he will probably never get to go home again. He will never get to see his dad, his mother, his little sister, or Gemini again.