The Wings of the Beautifully Fallen

Chapter 33: Illiana

Chapter 33: Illiana

His hands on my waist supported me as we floated in the air, and the gentleness in his eyes soothed my fears. We were not that high off the ground, a small child could easily slip beneath us and not be hit by our dangling feet. However, we were still in the air and my wings barely wanted to move. There was a knot in the middle of my shoulder blades where the wings connected to my body and I could feel the tension and the fear inside of it. I was afraid to fall, afraid to be injured, and no matter how many times he promised that he would protect me, there was a small part of me that was afraid. Until I looked into his eyes.

Why did his gaze always comfort me? Why was it always filled with love and gentleness? Could he ever be angry? I knew he could, I had seen it before, a few times but he had never harmed me in anger. He had never harmed me period. He loved me. He cared for me. I knew that Reginald was nothing like I had expected and when I looked at him, I just wanted him to stay the way he was and never change.

"Just try to flutter your wings, Illiana." Reginald's soft voice interrupted my thoughts and I nodded once with a nervous smile. The knot did not want to disappear, instead it grew and I could feel my wings tensing as well. Helena's words echoed in my mind, I knew that I had to learn so that my siblings could as well, but the question what what I needed to learn. Did I need to know how to fly and use magic, or did I need to know the world for as it really was? And could I really fall in love with Reginald with the fear and doubt of everything inside of me?

"Try not to think to hard. Just think about staying in the air, to not feel restricted by the world below, but reaching to the skies and getting your dreams."

"My dreams?"

"Any dream that you desire." He smiled, his hands tightening slightly around my waist. "A dream that you have to reach for, to strive, and the only way you can get it is by moving your wings."

In a way, it made sense, but would could I want that I could only achieve by flying? My gaze fell, glancing over the vibrant green grass dancing in the wind and the door to the cottage where I knew many men and women worked, preparing the food for Reginald and I to eat before we returned to the palace. In a way, the idea of being able to fly to the palace was something that I would love to be able to do, but it seemed like a dream, something that I would never be able to do. It had to be something attainable, something that I could try to do here, in front of me. But I was only surrounded by trees above me and the ground below. There was nothing here for me to strive for.

I will not allow you to throw away your life.

Helena's words echoed in my mind and I swallowed nervously. She wanted me to believe that Reginald would not harm me, that he would love me, but how could I find that out? How could I find out how he would react if he knew what I wanted to know. Would he change the way he acted, pretend to be someone else, or would he stay the same and allow me to get to know who he really was? Would I even have the chance to be able to love or am I to far gone to even know what it was?

Would he be angry if I attempted to do something of my own free will, to try something that may or may not make sense? Would he allow me to do something that may answer questions that I had been dying to ask but been to afraid? Perhaps it was childish, silly, to want to believe in the books that I read, but they were the only hope that I had that maybe, just maybe, I might be able to understand this world. In all the books I read, in all the characters who claimed they were in love, they would always share a moment, a moment when their lips touched and the world around them disappeared. Would it be the same with him? For us?

Nerves filled my stomach at the idea and my cheeks burned with humiliation. How could I even think about this right now? It was foolish, childish. None of this would help me right now, but at the same time, I wanted to know. After everything that has happened, all the words he had spoken, all the promises he offered, and everything the others seemed to believe, I wanted and needed to know what it was. What I felt inside of me.