ฉันก็รักคุณ [I Love You Too]

Ta

We only had 1 beer. No one was drunk. So, we both exactly knew what we were doing. So, why did I kiss him and why didn't P Jeff stop me? I kissed him softly and pulled away a few seconds later, looking at him. 

I was breathing a little heavily and just looked at P Jeff in silence. He cast his eyes up looking at me finally. Against my better notion, I reached out to hold onto his face. 

"P..."

Jeff was silent. Then I heard him mutter, "I am trying very hard to rein in my feelings for you. So, stop doing such things. Especially when you are confused. I don't want to add on to your confusion but you doing this is wrecking me. I am only human, Ta. Stop messing with me."

"I am not messing with you. I am just as confused as you are. Minus work, you are the first person I have kissed. This hits different from what I do for work. This is more intimate. P, this is different. I cannot explain it but it is.."

"And what did you mean by rein in your feelings for me? Do you like me, P Jeff? Is that what you meant in your text?"

P Jeff kept quiet. He pulled away from my hold and turned away. "You are straight and confused. Maybe we need some time apart and you will be ok. I will leave now."

"Stop running away from me. Why do you keep saying that? Me being straight doesn't change the fact that I feel differently for you and I just kissed you. I do not feel like doing this to Barcode or anyone else for that matter so do not even go down that path!"

"Do you know how it has been for me? I keep wanting to be with you, near you and always by your side if possible. I know very well that this isn't how friends behave so I am already super messed up as it is. If you like me, why cant you just tell me?"

"BECAUSE YOU WOULDNT BE ABLE TO RETURN MY FEELINGS BACK TO ME. SO LETS NOT EVEN TRY." Jeff lost his temper at me and shouted. I gasped silently. I looked at him for a long bit, blinking my eyes as the words sunk in before I muttered back. 

"Now, its just you assuming." 

P Jeff just looked at me. My eyes turned teary despite my bravado and I just turned away, feeling helpless and lost. I walked away from him and just sat on the couch. 

"The door is unlocked. You can go home." 

I didn't hear any response from P Jeff and soon I just heard footsteps. I assumed he had left. I just cupped my face in my hands and felt my tears running down. A few seconds later, I felt a pair of hands wrap around me. He held onto me tightly. I turned around to him and clung onto him, sobbing. 

"I'm sorry if I seem like I don't know what I am doing. I am not doing it on purpose. I really am clueless as to why I am behaving like this. But I know I want you, Jeff. I want you the same way Nene wanted you and I did not like it when she wanted to know you too. I am not...messii...ngg.." I started hiccupping softly. 

Jeff held onto me even more tightly.

"I am sorry, baby. I am so sorry. I know. I just.. I was trying to protect my own heart too. Selfish, I know. I..."

"You are not, P. You are not selfish at all. You are by far one of the most genuine souls in my life.."

I didn't realize that P Jeff had called me baby and that I had called him Jeff, dropping all seniority. It didn't hit him either. He kissed the top of my head softly. I looked up at him and he kissed my nose too. He wiped away my tears and leaned in closer to kiss me softly on my lips. Jeff kissed then let go, looking at me. I leaned up and covered the remaining distance. The kiss got needier, harder and more urgent. 

Jeff raised me up from the couch as he continued kissing me, steering me towards the other one. We fell onto it and he hovered above me. He leaned in to kiss me and moved down towards my neck. I raised it subconsciously giving him more leeway and he sucked at the skin gently, bruising it. He was about to go down a little lower when suddenly the alarm rang! We both broke apart, in shock when it hit me that it was my usual 5am alarm. We turned to look at each other and just burst out laughing!

Jeff pulled himself up from me and we both sat up instead. I switched off the alarm as he slung his arms around me. 

"Maybe its good that the alarm went off."

"Why?"

"God knows, what would have happened then?"

"Is it a bad thing?"

P Jeff just looked at me but didn't say anything, just shaking his head and blushing. 

"Let's get some sleep, maybe get an early lunch later?"

"Together?" I looked at him. 

He was silent for a bit before he nodded his head at me.

"Together."

I swear, the smile that came over me, I couldn't stop it at all. Not at all.