Golden Flames //Fourth Wing

Uncomfortable Memories

I didn't slept that night. It felt weird and uncomfortable to be left alone with my own thoughts.
As soon as it got quite around me, small glimpses of memory came flying back like a Hurricane, washing over me in waves.
It was frightening.
I didn't knew if they were real or just a mere illusion of my mind.
Either way... what I saw was petrifying and it kept me up.

I decided it was not worth it and wrapped my night cloth around me, wandering towards the big window in the west side of my room watching the night beneath me.
The river was rushing over the rooks till it reached the waterfall, located far behind the Parapet.
The woods were silent, dark and compelling in front of the commanding Mountains.
It was truly a gorgeous scenery. If you could forget all the corpses lying in the water, rotting in the woods and impaled on the cliffs.

I shuddered shaking my head.
One wrong move and I could be there as well.
The thought is more than terrifying.

Having enough from the nature surrounding me, I advert my eyes glancing up into the sky, watching the stars and moon in the distance.

I could inly make out some of the star signs but even they were enough to keep me dazed in the beauty of the night sky.

"You should sleep, little one " Arawn's voice growled through my head.

" I can't" I respond, with a slight groan, as the tiredness creeps through my bones and veines and Arawn magically shuts up surprising me gently.

I let myself fall on the chair near the window, so I can keep watching the stars and after minutes I am deep in dreams.

I don't dream. There is nothing. Pure emptiness.
When I wake up my dissociative amnesia seems to have gotten worse.
The parts I remember are all in a blur and terrible out of order.
It does not matter how hard I try. There is nothing I can do to recall anything.
The faces around me seem so familiar yet so unknown, making it impossible for me to identify a single person.

Sleep drunken I start dressing myself what is harder than I figured it would be.
My body does not react the way it should do and my eyes threaten to fall asleep every second making it impossible for me to stay focused on simply anything.
It takes longer than average to get myself into the rider leathers and sheath all my blades correctly without cutting myself.
I decided against changing the wraps on my palms simply because they were amazing and felt pretty good and if I would have changed them in this condition I might as well would have cut myself due to sleepiness.
And the wraps were for a fact perfectly made, making me doubt that I had actually had made them myself, since I by far wasn't that talented in medicine and bindings.

When I left my room someone was already waiting for me. My head ricochet at the thoughts but as soon the person turned, all my hopes were shattered.

"Hey Ridoc" I forced myself to say, hoping it would sound happier than I was.

Ridoc however did not seem to have noticed my mood, being as open and friendly as ever, wrapping a arm around me, pulling me in for a quick kiss, which was far to quick for my sleepy self to stop him.

I liked Ridoc but I wasn't sure if I liked him that way. My thoughts drifted to Brennan and his smile before the illusion of my mind morphed into a smirking Riorsen.

I shook my head smiling at Ridoc who casually draped an arm around me.
"Let's go eat, shall we?"

Together we made our way towards the dining hall.
After we got our food and joined our usual breakfast group I felt much more energetic already being able to keep my eyes open for more than 5 seconds straight.