Dare You To Love Me

«41» a daughter's plea

“Hi, Mamu.” Yaseerah’s smile was watery, as she squeezed Mamu’s hand gently. “Everything’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” she asked distractedly, her gaze once again roaming around the unfamiliar room.

“Yeah,” Yaseerah nodded, forcing a smile onto her face. “I’ve just been sitting here all morning, thinking about what to say to you when you wake up, and now that you’re–” Yaseerah sniffed, canting her head upwards slightly to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill.

When she was sure she wasn’t going to cry again, she returned her gaze back to her mother who continued to look at her with that gentle smile, her eyes conveying a sense of understanding and love that Yaseerah found both comforting and unnerving.

She knew she should go get the doctors, but she needed to get some things off her chest while she had the chance.

“I’ve been so lost, Mamu,” Yaseerah continued, her voice cracking with emotion. “And I’ve been trying to find my way, to make things right, but I’ve only ended up making things worse. I’ve hurt those closest to me, especially Bilal, and I don’t know if I can ever make it right.”

Tears welled up in her eyes as she spoke, the weight of her guilt and regret pressing down on her with unbearable force.

“Mamu, please forgive me,” Yaseerah pleaded, her voice barely above a whisper. “I know I don’t deserve it, but I promise to do better. I promise to be there for you and Bilal, no matter what. Just please don’t cast me out, okay? I don’t know what I’ll do without you, or Bilal. You’re both my world, and–”

Yaseerah fell silent, the weight of her words hanging in the air between them. She waited for a response from Mamu, but when none came, her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. She looked up, her heart pounding in her chest, and saw that Mamu was still smiling at her, her eyes filled with an unfathomable sadness.

And then, in a voice that was barely more than a whisper, Mamu spoke.

“Aisha.”

Yaseerah’s heart stopped at the sound of Mamu calling her by her late mother’s name. She felt a chill run down her spine, a sense of dread washing over her. “No,” she shook her head, her voice trembling. “It’s me, Yaseerah.”

“Yaseerah?” Mamu echoed, her smile dimming a little, as frown lines appeared across her forehead.

Yaseerah’s heart felt like it was shattering into a million pieces. Mamu's words, her distant gaze, her confusion–it was all like a punch to her gut, and she felt like she was losing her mother all over again.

Mamu looked at her, her eyes clouded with uncertainty. “What day is it?” she rasped, her voice laced with confusion.

Yaseerah’s heart skipped a beat at Mamu’s question, but she forced a smile on her face, masking the turmoil inside her. “It’s Tuesday, Mamu.”

“Tuesday?” Mamu’s brow furrowed deeply, confusion evident in her eyes. “I didn’t miss the baby shower, did I?”

Yaseerah could feel her heart shattering into another million pieces. “No,” she shook her struggling to keep her composure. “No, you didn’t.”

“Why are we in the hospital?” Mamu whispered, her voice carrying a conspirational tone and worry that twisted the knife in Yaseerah’s guts even further. “Is it the baby? Is she okay?”

“I–”

“And don’t even say it’s not a girl, Aisha,” Mamu chuckled. “Because I know it’s going to be a girl, in shaa Allah. I can feel it, Aisha.”