When the Sun and Stars Unite (Jegulus Oneshots)

it's wednesday (and this is a lot) Part 2/2

Regulus doesn't know what it feels like to not love James Potter.

He doesn't remember a single time in his life when he didn't love James Potter.

Even when they were kids and James spit his blood covered tooth into Regulus' hand after Regulus pulled it out with floss for him, he loved James. He loved James after he shoved him off of the bed in the middle of the night in his sleep during their first sleepover, causing him to slash his elbow open on James' bedside table drawer. He loved James when James accidentally punched him in the face while they were playing Wii sports, ultimately fracturing his nose. He loved James when he had the stomach virus and threw up all over Regulus in the car when they were all on a roadtrip with James' parents and cousins.

(He doesn't even know why that story is endearing to him. He figures that he finds James endearing even when he shouldn't, and maybe that's how he knows that he loves him. Despite the fact that James threw up all over him and cried about it afterward, snot and tears and saliva and vomit running down his face in a disgusting mixture, Regulus still wanted to hold him and kiss his forehead; so he did kiss his forehead. He told James that it was okay and that he wasn't angry as James' parents pulled into the nearest parking lot of a random store so that the two boys could change their clothes and wash up.)

The point is, Regulus loves James. He loves James so much . He loves James to the point that his stomach hurts and his head spins. He loves James to the point that he feels his pulse jumping when James is near him and he feels like he can't catch his breath.

That being said, he doesn't exactly know why he's going out with the guy that he's going out with. Well – he does . He has to get over James, and he knows he has to get over him. James doesn't feel the same way about him and he knows that. He figures that maybe if he just tries to get his mind off of James, it'll be easier for him.

It isn't that he – the guy, Xavier – isn't attractive. Xavier is actually very handsome. He's handsome and funny and smart and he can bake like a god . Regulus genuinely enjoys his time with Xavier. He's a good kisser and he's so fun to talk to and Regulus never gets bored when he's around him.

But he just doesn't fucking understand why he can't stop thinking about James. He thought it was getting easier . He thought it was getting easier because when he told James he had a boyfriend he didn't feel his chest hurt. Sure he felt nauseous at the way James' face dropped and he couldn't eat for the rest of the day, but he wasn't upset . He didn't feel guilty .

So why is he looking at Xavier next to him on the sofa and feeling absolutely fucking nothing?

"I started reading The Jasmine Throne the other night, and it's really good so far. Maybe I'll lend it to you when I'm finished with it, I think you'll like it," Xavier tells Regulus, reaching down to pull Regulus' legs up into his lap. He rests both hands on Regulus' shins, and Regulus glances at him over the top of his own book.

"What is it about?" Regulus asks, swallowing the nausea that builds in his throat.

Xavier's eyes light up, and Regulus feels fucking sick.

"There's a princess who is being held captive by her brother because her brother is a traitor and she kind of knew about it, and she becomes, like, kind of friends? Not friends. Maybe just allies. Anyway there's a guard that's been assigned to her and she's like, not from the royal family or something. They become allies in order to save the empire from Malini's – the princess – brother and ultimately stop the spread of the disease that is spreading across the empire as well," he explains, and Regulus blinks at him, a small smile on his face. "Oh, and they fall in love. But I'm not that far into the book yet, so..."